If Mommy's Happy...

What a fiasco this afternoon was! But thanks to a good night's sleep, a morning of prayer and scripture study, plus writing, a workout on the elliptical, and some cartwheels with my daughter, (I didn't know I could still do them! It was fun!), I made it through a crying, screaming, smiling baby with a rash and runny nose, making sugar cookies (the roll and cut out kind) for my daughter's preschool class, making lasagna for dinner (one fuss-food-lactose-free pan for me and one regular version for my husband), holding a very ambitious Family Home Evening lesson during which we scrubbed the (nasty, disgusting) bath tub and shower and related it to the principle of repentance and change, how we feel dirty when we make wrong choices and clean and spotless when we repent and do what is right.

It was about to fall apart when the baby was screaming during the tub scrub and I made the executive decision to stop scrubbing and discuss the scripture that went with our lesson, (while I nursed a quieter baby), have our treats and get on with bed time. As we tried to finish the lesson, my daughter was her usual self, anxiously awaiting the treat while Mommy droned on about something she didn't understand. Daddy saved the night with a suggestion to vary my voice. So the rest of the discussion was given by all in various Sesame Street voices, to which my daughter listened intently and we all laughed a lot, but learned something. The house shows the path of the tornado that hit it this afternoon. But in my heart there is peace.

Our lesson was about changing our family from an old family who speaks unkindly at times and is too frequently disrespectful and untidy into a new family who tries to speak in more of a Christ-like manner and tone, being careful not to hurt one another, but to help and teach. We talked about how we should be like the people in the scriptures who “could not look upon sin save it were with abhorrence.” (I could not look upon our bathtub save it was with abhorrence). We talked about making wrong choices, repenting, and making right choices.

In the end, it was Mommy who stayed up late finishing the cookie decorating and scrubbing of the tub (and tile and grout...). My poor husband put in some elbow grease during the group effort, but collapsed again after it was over and thanked me for my efforts and work. (He's been sick for a few days now.) Anyway, as I worked, I sang hymns and hummed songs, including the new Primary song, “My Eternal Family,” which we sang during family night. It occurred to me that my doing a large portion of the work to make the tub “pure and spotless” was very appropriate in relation to the lesson I had given.

Change in the family is, of course, so very important for each member to participate in. But I am the Mother. If I want my family to change in the way they speak to one another, if I want them to be more kind, then I must, in a way, do more work to change myself and the way I speak and act. If the Mother changes her tone and speaks more Christlike, if the Mother is more kind and tenderhearted, understanding and long-suffering, if the Mother looks for moments to teach the children about the Savior, then the whole family cannot help but follow along. So goes the old saying, “If Mom's not happy, no one is.” On the flip side, “If Mom is happy, (or kind, considerate, loving, etc), there's a pretty good chance everyone else is, too.”

Setbacks

I suppose I haven't posted in a while because my life has been such a roller coaster of events and emotions. I'd rather just sail along smooth waters, if you know what I mean. But if my life were nothing but smooth sailing, I would remain all that I am and never become who I am meant to be.

I like to improve and progress. I'm proud of myself when I have a victory over some old habit or negative thinking. Life is good on those days. What baffles me is when I have my goals set and I am steadily working toward them and then there is a setback. Obviously, I know setbacks happen and come many times from outside sources – a crying baby, a defiant daughter, unexpected responsibilities. However, the baffling ones are the ones that I cause myself. Nothing other than my very own weakness or lack of self-control causes these. And I wonder, now why did I do that when it was so very against my goals?

I'm not really even sure what the answer is. Emotions usually are the trigger. But perhaps the main culprit is simply distraction. I have goals and standards I want to live up to, but if they are not constantly in front of me, then sometimes I just flat out forget or ignore them. They get “back-burnered” in my mind. Or, perhaps I lose faith in myself that I can achieve them and part of me gives up under pressure.

I do know that when I get off track, the one thing that is guaranteed to help me get back on is prayer. Why is prayer the answer to so many of my blog posts? I guess I talk about prayer a lot. Hmm. Maybe it's because it works! Sincere prayer has such a centering effect. The Lord brings out the sorrow I feel for my mistakes and replaces it with forgiveness and hope. When even I lose confidence, I know that the Lord will always believe in me. Thank goodness!