Blessings and Trials

These past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. A few times, I've been so exhausted that I felt as though I might reach my breaking point. I've been going and going and giving and giving. Just doing it. Because it is the right thing to do. This past Sunday, I bore testimony at church about how I am receiving some of my greatest blessings while going through some of the toughest trials I've ever been through. Because so much of my time is devoted to doing what I must to help take care of someone who needs me, what I want has dropped nearly out of the picture. Out of necessity, my daily tasks and desires for accomplishment have been stripped to a bare minimum. I've been forced to prioritize. I've had to go easy on what I expect to accomplish.

Knowing that I could never make it through this without the Lord's help, I have knelt in prayer more frequently than usual. I have tried to make sure I read the scriptures daily, searching them more deeply at times. I know that if I allow this trial to steal away my time with the Lord, then Satan will take advantage of his chance to steal away my peace and undermine my self-control.

Also knowing that I could never make it through this without feeling my family's support and love, I've tried my best to subvert all other tasks to simply spending time with my husband and children in the small moments that I can find it. I'm even making more eye contact with them, seeing them as treasures each time I look. I could not allow this trial to give Satan the opportunity to sabotage my closest relationships toward failure.

All this said, I am not perfect. I could have done better most days. Nor am I anywhere near capable of handling what I've handled in the past few weeks all on my own. Yesterday, I prayed while sitting under a tree in my front yard waiting for my daughter to get off the bus. All afternoon and evening, I was at peace. It was one of those days where I occasionally thought, 'okay, this is getting more stressful, you are not going to be able to handle all of this, you are going to snap.' But even while having these thoughts, I was still at peace. In reality, I came nowhere near breaking down.

It was like I was watching myself in slow motion and wondering, “Wow, how am I doing this?” and “This is incredible.”

Late last evening, it dawned on me that I am not the only one praying for me. I told my husband, “This must be what it feels like to feel the prayers of others.” The tremendous peace I've felt and the sustaining strength that the Lord has given me is in answer to the prayers of many. Thank you to all those who have prayed and will pray for me.

I can't say that a few years ago I would have handled all this as well. In the past, I have allowed Satan to take advantage of stressful times, expecting myself to keep caught up on things, losing sleep, worrying my way through every task and every relationship, snapping at my family because of the stress I'd put myself under, forgetting to pray and sing hymns and study the scriptures and wondering why the Lord wasn't helping me more.

This time, instead of feeling resentful because of how much I've sacrificed, wishing vainly that others would acknowledge my suffering, my eyes have been opened to just how much I am loved. Our family has more unity and feelings of love than it did before. My prayers are more filled with gratitude for the incredible answers to prayers we've received. Gratitude that things are not much, much worse.

How is it that I can receive such blessings in the midst of such trials? I don't think there is any other way that I could receive them. Now I know what James meant when he said, “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into many afflictions” (James 1:2).