I was walking back into my house after
having received a borrowed item from a friend, who had dropped it by.
I became aware that this was yet another blessing I had received
through the service of others over the past few months, especially
since little “Hack” was born. I am not sure if I remember another
time in my life when I have been so abundantly blessed by the
generosity and sacrifice of other people whom the Lord is using as
His instruments to act in my life. Because of our new baby, I really
am not able to give much back, other than offering a humble thanks.
As I reached for my door, I was
overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude to the Lord for bringing me so
many blessings. Just as this sense of love for the Lord filled me,
there also came a gentle rebuke from the Spirit in my thoughts. How
can I not do all the things the Lord has commanded me to, when
He has done so much for me? I believe this epiphany, or change of
heart, is the beginning of one I have been praying for – the
change of my weaknesses into strengths. I feel a seed of motivation
growing in my heart to finally do the things I've known I was
supposed to do for years.
Whatever it is, suddenly I am asking
myself, How can I not give away all my sins so that I might
know Him? How can I not make the time to perform the specific
missions I know He's given me? How can I not rise up in faith
and conquer the bad habits that plague me? How can I not press
forward with a perfect brightness of hope when the Lord loves me so
much and truly needs me to change so that He can touch the lives of
others? How could I have been so lazy? So neglectful of asserting my
efforts to overcome some of the sinful ways that have held me back
from accomplishing His will for years? How much could the Lord have
accomplished through me already if I had simply trusted in Him and
acted in faith, no matter the difficulty?
The Lord says that He gives unto men
weakness, so that we will humble ourselves before Him, and that He
will turn our weakness into strength when we do. (Ether 12:27) I've
been praying for this to happen in me for years. I think I am finally
realizing how He does this: through love. He loves us so much and
blesses us so abundantly, and when our heart is ready to recognize
Him for it, and come unto Him and trust Him, and act in faith, then
He will give us the inner strength we need to make the changes we've
never been able to make on our own. Sorrowing over my sins, yet
feeling a seed of hope that I could actually conquer them, I knelt in
prayer and asked for continued help in doing what I must to obtain
this blessing of transformation. Since that prayer, the Lord has
continued to teach me.
Somehow, Satan shielded me from feeling
God's love for me when I was more isolated in my own family. Right
now, I am the recipient of so much service, as well as inspiration
from others who are living their mission. It's as though a gray veil
of forgetfulness has been lifted from my life and I can feel the
warmth of the Lord's light blessing me and wrapping me in His love,
more poignantly because He is working through others and I see
their sacrifice and hard work so clearly. I am inspired to love and
serve others, to conquer my weaknesses and live my mission. I feel
more of an anchored motivation, or perhaps increased capacity, to
live up to the standards I value in daily life. I know this would all
be impossible without the greatest Sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus
Christ. As he atoned for our sins, he created the power we would need
to change: the power of love, His love.
I do not think the Lord meant for us to
live isolated lives, where we work independent of others within our
own little family unit, trying to apply His principles in our hearts
and homes. He meant for us to be involved in our communities and
churches, with our brothers and sisters, helping out where we can and
being helped by others when needed: receiving and sharing His love.
So thank you to everyone who has served
and inspired me and my family. Your impact is more deeply felt than
I'm sure you realize.
