Today I was listening to Andrew
Pudewa's seminar on How to Nurture Competent Communicators in the
context of teaching writing skills. He is the founder of Institute
for Excellence in Writing. In this class, he explains that you can't
expect students to write unless they have a database of correct and
sophisticated language patterns already stored in their brain. He was
elaborating on how the two top resources for acquiring this are
reading aloud to them and memorizing poetry, among other things. He
spoke about how it's okay to listen to audio books because we just
don't have time to read aloud to our students for hours on end each
day. He made a comment about how different these audio books are,
though, from having a loved one read aloud to you as a child.
When a parent or grandparent is reading
aloud to you, there is a certain warmth
that goes along with it. There is a sharing of souls that happens in
those moments. I thought about how when I really get into reading
aloud well to my children, I put inflection, tone and body language
into the story. I look at their awe-stricken faces and experience the
suspense with them. I laugh with them and sometimes cry in front of
them. When you listen to an audio book with a professional actor
reading the text, you do not experience that same feeling of warmth
and personality. So, he suggested actually having grandparents read
aloud some of your favorite books and record it to pass down to your
children and grandchildren. What a family heirloom to create in this
day of technology!
His comment about warmth caused me to
reflect quite deeply. I questioned whether or not I am a source of
this warmth myself. With all my striving to live the gospel, to serve
others, to educate myself, to teach self-government, to be calm, to
have order in my home and life, etc, etc, etc... am I warm toward
others? Do they feel a sense of love and acceptance, of validation,
just from being in my presence? A while ago, I noticed that a friend
would often sign her emails with “Warmly.” And I felt such a warm
fuzzy from her each time I would read this! I wanted to convey that
same feeling to others and began signing mine that way sometimes,
too.
I suffered through some bittersweet
moments of realization today. I am not as warm as I thought I was. In
analyzing my actual communication with family members, friends, and
acquaintances, I've realized that I often portray a false sense of
connection. At times, I am too hurried to really listen, too
self-absorbed to even make more than a glance of eye contact, too
worried to notice a need, too busy to serve, to insecure to share. I
politely wait for the interruption they caused in my life to be over
so that I can continue. I am sometimes, in essence, COLD.
I am reminded again of the lesson from The Anatomy of Peace on seeing
people as people, not objects. Life is about relationships, not
accomplishments.
Thankfully, these bitter realizations
led to some sweet experiences as my awareness of warmth increased. As
I sang to my 9 month old before putting him down for a nap, I just
gazed into his eyes and really focused on him. The distractions of
the day were silenced and my heart filled with joy as we shared a
loving connection. I began to see the many interruptions that my
four-year-old comes to me with as his way of inviting me to rejoice
with him over something that brought his heart joy. He wants me to
feel it, too! Instead of standing across the room and glaring down at
my eight-year-old while correcting her, I lightened my tone and sat
down beside her with my arm around her. She felt my love, we
connected; she cracked a smile and accepted my correction. Warmth.
Just looking into the smiling eyes of a
really warm person is like getting a hug from them. Souls connect. I
am a pleasant surprise to them instead of a distracting interruption.
I immediately feel boosted, validated, loved. I am welcome.
I've never been a very good greeter. I
sort of walk up to someone and dive right into my objective, my drive
for efficient accomplishment dominating all else. Oh, what heavenly
treasures I've missed out on in the carrying out of this habit!!
Warmth. You can see it in the eyes. You
can feel it in a hug. You can hear it in a laugh. You can sense it in
someone's pace and focus. So I will look you in the eye. I will feel
my heart touch yours when we embrace. I will really laugh with
you, not just laugh at something together. I will welcome your
interruption. I will make an effort to actually pause my train of
thought so that I can give you my full attention. At least I will
try! Let's try together, shall we?
