Warmth

Today I was listening to Andrew Pudewa's seminar on How to Nurture Competent Communicators in the context of teaching writing skills. He is the founder of Institute for Excellence in Writing. In this class, he explains that you can't expect students to write unless they have a database of correct and sophisticated language patterns already stored in their brain. He was elaborating on how the two top resources for acquiring this are reading aloud to them and memorizing poetry, among other things. He spoke about how it's okay to listen to audio books because we just don't have time to read aloud to our students for hours on end each day. He made a comment about how different these audio books are, though, from having a loved one read aloud to you as a child.

When a parent or grandparent is reading aloud to you, there is a certain warmth that goes along with it. There is a sharing of souls that happens in those moments. I thought about how when I really get into reading aloud well to my children, I put inflection, tone and body language into the story. I look at their awe-stricken faces and experience the suspense with them. I laugh with them and sometimes cry in front of them. When you listen to an audio book with a professional actor reading the text, you do not experience that same feeling of warmth and personality. So, he suggested actually having grandparents read aloud some of your favorite books and record it to pass down to your children and grandchildren. What a family heirloom to create in this day of technology!

His comment about warmth caused me to reflect quite deeply. I questioned whether or not I am a source of this warmth myself. With all my striving to live the gospel, to serve others, to educate myself, to teach self-government, to be calm, to have order in my home and life, etc, etc, etc... am I warm toward others? Do they feel a sense of love and acceptance, of validation, just from being in my presence? A while ago, I noticed that a friend would often sign her emails with “Warmly.” And I felt such a warm fuzzy from her each time I would read this! I wanted to convey that same feeling to others and began signing mine that way sometimes, too.

I suffered through some bittersweet moments of realization today. I am not as warm as I thought I was. In analyzing my actual communication with family members, friends, and acquaintances, I've realized that I often portray a false sense of connection. At times, I am too hurried to really listen, too self-absorbed to even make more than a glance of eye contact, too worried to notice a need, too busy to serve, to insecure to share. I politely wait for the interruption they caused in my life to be over so that I can continue. I am sometimes, in essence, COLD. I am reminded again of the lesson from The Anatomy of Peace on seeing people as people, not objects. Life is about relationships, not accomplishments.

Thankfully, these bitter realizations led to some sweet experiences as my awareness of warmth increased. As I sang to my 9 month old before putting him down for a nap, I just gazed into his eyes and really focused on him. The distractions of the day were silenced and my heart filled with joy as we shared a loving connection. I began to see the many interruptions that my four-year-old comes to me with as his way of inviting me to rejoice with him over something that brought his heart joy. He wants me to feel it, too! Instead of standing across the room and glaring down at my eight-year-old while correcting her, I lightened my tone and sat down beside her with my arm around her. She felt my love, we connected; she cracked a smile and accepted my correction. Warmth.

Just looking into the smiling eyes of a really warm person is like getting a hug from them. Souls connect. I am a pleasant surprise to them instead of a distracting interruption. I immediately feel boosted, validated, loved. I am welcome.

I've never been a very good greeter. I sort of walk up to someone and dive right into my objective, my drive for efficient accomplishment dominating all else. Oh, what heavenly treasures I've missed out on in the carrying out of this habit!!

Warmth. You can see it in the eyes. You can feel it in a hug. You can hear it in a laugh. You can sense it in someone's pace and focus. So I will look you in the eye. I will feel my heart touch yours when we embrace. I will really laugh with you, not just laugh at something together. I will welcome your interruption. I will make an effort to actually pause my train of thought so that I can give you my full attention. At least I will try! Let's try together, shall we?