Patting Yourself on the Back

Last time, I asked how many people you know who pat themselves on the back at the end of the day. Today, I want to point out that if you do know any people like that, you should emulate them.

It goes back to fault-finding. Those of us who are so good at finding faults in others are also experts at finding faults within ourselves. Whether or not we are willing to openly admit to their existence, faults can cause us guilt and pain and self-hatred.

We cannot overcome our faults, however, without knowing what they are. So it is not a bad thing for me to realize it when I’ve made a mistake, especially when I’ve made one repeatedly and thought that it was a justified action. (What? You mean all that resenting didn’t actually give my husband any clues about how to treat me? You mean it’s not okay to drop subtle hints about how a person should be doing things my way (which is, of course, the right way)? Oh, so I really am supposed to pray every single day…)

The crucial point is what happens after we’ve realized a fault within ourselves. Naturally, we feel guilty, perhaps disappointed. We are frustrated or angry with ourselves. What is wrong with me?

Well, what is wrong with us is that we are human. That is not an excuse for behavior, but a realization that as children of God, we humans possess the God-given ability to progress, to overcome, to learn from mistakes, to repent, to commune with our Savior and be changed. In fact, that is one of the reasons we are here: to experience weakness so that we can have it turned into strength.

After we have truly come unto the Savior, there is another step that we frequently do not complete. We must forgive ourselves. We must show ourselves the unconditional love that the Savior shows to us. We must choose to feel happy with ourselves now instead of continuing to feel the guilt we felt when we first realized our mistake. We deserve to be happy. In case you didn’t know, another reason we are actually are here on earth so that we may have joy. (See my second post).

So instead of fault-finding, I’m going to work on joy-finding. There’s an ironic thing about loving yourself and being happy. It increases your ability to love others and help them feel happy, too. And it helps us all to do better today rather than worrying over what we should have done yesterday.