I wanted to have some fun with my daughter in our pool one last time before we close it this year. I grabbed the inner-tube around her waist and starting pulling her in a circle around me in the water. She shrieked with laughter and her eyes sparkled. As I whirled her around again and again, I kept a close eye on the edge of the pool beside us. If I got too close to it in my turning, I could have cracked her head on the hard concrete. Joy swelled in my heart as I felt how much I love her and want her to do well in life. As I laughed with her, a thought crystallized.
It comes naturally to me as her mother to want to protect her from physical harm. I would never dream of intentionally hurting her physically. As many of you, I would even risk my life to protect hers. As soon as she looks at the stove, I warn her that it's hot. Before she hops on the jumping ball in front of the stairs, I tell her of the danger.
But do I give the same careful attention to the need to protect my daughter spiritually? Morally? When my daughter sees me cooking, she wants to help. She wants to do what I do. Deeper than that, it just comes naturally to her to imitate what I do. Even if it is something she's been taught is wrong. Children are innocent. They are not accountable for their choices until age eight. In my faith, that is when they are baptized. I have to keep reminding myself of that when my daughter cops an attitude with me. When I stop to think about it, the first time she talked back to me was long before preschool, so I could not blame friend influence for that one. Nope, I had to admit it: She was speaking to me in an exact replica of the tone I used with her when she was doing something I did not approve of. Wow.
Having a family is part of Heavenly Father's plan for us on the earth. No wonder! Being responsible for a child, or just within a child's circle of influence, as a teacher, aunt, or babysitter, is a humbling experience. There is no more effective method for pointing out one's own hypocrisies than with a child who imitates your every action, or who calls you out on your inconsistencies.
Of course, some lessons they have to learn on their own. Sometimes children heed our warnings and avoid touching the hot stove for fear of getting burned. But usually, they have to gain some concept of what “burned” means before they will heed.
A parenting book I read said that consistency is the single most important element of parenting. Mixed messages from parents are some of the most detrimental spiritual and moral messages we can send. If we say one thing and do another, it is just as bad as saying “I'll protect you,” and then cracking their head into the edge of the swimming pool (which thankfully I did not do yesterday). When they are a crying mess afterward, (after the immoral choice they made, for example), what do we say? Oops. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. It's not my fault. I tried to avoid this pain for you. I tried to tell you. I told you so.
But telling is not enough.
We have to show our children that we can live by the same morals and values we require of them. Or else they get some mixed message that it is impossible to live a morally clean, righteous life. It's impossible to treat others with respect during conflict, etc. Of course, we can't be perfect. And when we make a mistake, as parents, we have to own up to it in front of our children. What good does it do if our children watch their mom and dad have a fight, but never see them apologize and make up with each other? None. You just taught them how to fight. What good does it do for us to tell our children anything, really, if we are doing the opposite?
My intent is not to stir up extra loads of mother-guilt, here, for I know we all have more than enough of that to go around. Children have to be allowed to make their own choices as they grow. Today, we went to the park and I watched my daughter ride away from me on her bike (with training wheels). She was cautious, but she was faster than me and I could not always be right beside her. When I watched her come up on what could be a dangerous situation, I was nervous for her. I thought, “come on, you can do it. Don't fall. Steer yourself right.” I couldn't do it for her. I couldn't catch her. I couldn't shout instructions from twenty feet away. I had to rely on her self-direction.
I don't have time to go back and make sure my blog post makes flowing sense. I hope it does to you. I'll just end with these quotes, which say it better than I can.
President Harold B. Lee said the most important work you do will be within the walls of your own home.
Elder Russell M. Ballard said, “Love your mother.... Respect her. Listen to her. Trust her. She has your best interests at heart. She cares about your eternal safety and happiness. So be kind to her. Be patient with her imperfections, for she has them. We all do. Now may I share a few thoughts with you mothers about the special role you play in your daughters’ lives. We have a family friend who travels often with members of her extended family. Her primary observation after each trip is how much the young women behave like their mothers. If the mothers are thrifty, so are their daughters. If the mothers are modest, so are the girls... Mothers, your example is extremely important to your daughters—even if they don’t acknowledge it.
“Throughout the history of the world, women have always been teachers of moral values. That instruction begins in the cradle and continues throughout the lives of their children. Today our society is bombarded with messages about womanhood and motherhood that are dangerously and wickedly wrong. Following these messages can put your daughters on the path to sin and self-destruction. Your daughters may not understand that unless you tell them or, better, unless you show them how to make good choices. As mothers in Israel, you are your daughters’ first line of defense against the wiles of the world.”
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
As Thyself
This post is by far my longest post but there is a reason. This is the text of a talk I gave at church this past Sunday. A couple of people asked for a copy and I thought I would share it with my readers here. I hope it is food for thought for you and helps you on your journey!
Today my topic is Perseverance. I was given the talk by President Uchtdorf entitled “Your Happily Ever After,” from this past General Conference (published in the May Ensign Magazine). In it, he talks about our favorite fairy tale heroes and heroines and says, “Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “Happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity.” He told the Young Women that they are beloved daughters of God. This is true, not something made up in a fairy tale. Over and over throughout the article, he keeps reemphasizing how beloved we are of Heavenly Father and how much he wants to bless us with our own happily ever after. It's almost as though he is trying to convince us of it.
How many of us truly think of ourselves as quote, “royal spirit daughters [and sons] of Almighty God?”
When I first got my topic of perseverance, I thought the Lord had a really great sense of humor. But in reality, he was gently chastising me and teaching me some incredible principles I needed desperately to learn. This year, I've been pushing myself to keep up with my goals and failing miserably. I thought I was persevering through it. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming,” as Dori says, right? But now my perspective has changed and I hope I can inspire you with some of the things I realized while studying perseverance.
President Uchtdorf said, “How you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own 'happily ever after.'” Will you give up? Or will you persevere?
We hear this a lot at church, the counsel to persevere. For some, it actually increases the pressure they feel on their shoulders and makes them lean more toward giving up because they are overwhelmed with all they have to do. So what is at the root of that feeling of wanting to give up? Not knowing what to do next? You've tried everything, you're at the end of your rope. Maybe you've had bursts of perseverance, when you gave it all you had, but somehow you ended up feeling discouraged once again. Sometimes I'll have such a great day – I'll pray and study the scriptures and spend time with my family and accomplish something and I'll write about it, even, because it was so good. And I'll think Yeah, man, I finally figured things out. But then why don't I do it again the next day? Why is it that I can't seem to sustain a long-term, consistent, daily effort at happiness? Sure, life happens and you can't predict or plan everything, but you can pray and study every day. Right? You can try to have positive thoughts every day right? You can treat your family with respect and kindness every day right? Seems like I should be able to, but what stops me? What is it that causes me to give in to anger or give up on reading the scriptures and seeking revelation?
As I pondered this question, the scripture came to my mind, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” I looked up the complete passage in Matthew 22:36-39 and found this counsel from the Savior: “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”
When we hear this scripture, we often are taught about who our neighbor is and how we should serve others and that is a very essential part of living the gospel. Life is put into perspective as we focus on and serve others. But a new aspect of this scripture came to light as I read it this time: those two little words at the end: As Thyself. I think President Uchtdorf sensed the need for this principle as he was trying to convince us of how much we are loved.
Love thy neighbor as thyself implies a balance: Love of self and love of others has to be in balance.
President Uchtdorf said, “Please embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ! Learn to love your Heavenly Father with all your heart, might and mind,” (1st commandment) “Fill your souls with virtue and love goodness. Always strive to bring out the best in yourself and others.” (yourself and others - 2nd commandment.)
How do we bring out the best in ourselves? In others?
We all try to find our own happily ever after, Pres. Uchtdorf says, “and the truth is, “God knows how to get there. He has created a map for you... Trust Him enough to follow His plan. [of course], not all will follow the map. They may look at it. They may think it is reasonable, perhaps even true. But they do not follow the divine directions. Many believe that any road will take them to a happily ever after. Some may even become angry when others who know the way try to help and tell them… At times, some may wonder why they attend Church meetings or why it is so important to read the scriptures regularly or pray to our Heavenly Father daily. Here is my answer: You do these things because they are part of God's path for you.”
God's commandments are given to us for our own happiness. And they are often the things that get shoved to the bottom of our priority list. Prayer, study, word of wisdom, temple attendance. Why is that?
I go back to my original question: How many of us truly think of ourselves as royal sons and daughters of God, as worthy and important? I've always known that praying and studying scriptures daily, and going to the temple were commandments that would bless me. I've always known that my body is a temple of God and I should take care of it according to the Lord's law of health. But I never realized that I should be doing those things, not only out of obedience to and love for the Lord, but out of love and respect for myself. Even those commandments that are given to bless me - like exercising, praying, eating well, studying the scriptures – I was doing them more out of a feeling of duty to God and my family … so I wasn't allowing those activities to foster the feelings of love for myself that I should feel. It was more of a check mark on a to do list than it was an act of love for myself.
So as we look at this scripture, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” we see that we should love others, but not necessarily more than ourselves. Now I have to be careful here and I pray that no one will take this message in the wrong spirit. I don't want to imply anything that would lead you to believe you only need to look out for yourself in a prideful way and serve others only when it's convenient for you. That's not what I'm trying to say. Service does require sacrifice.
But too often in my life, I find myself so concerned with and overwhelmed by serving my family and others that I neglect obedience to those commandments that are given for my own personal well-being. When this principle is out of balance in my life, I allow doing things for others to completely crowd out things like scripture study and personal prayer. The parable of the Ten Virgins encourages us to build up and keep a store of spiritual oil. If we are neglecting ourselves, then we are not keeping our lamps filled.
When we are keeping ourselves so busy that we leave no time for our own physical and spiritual renewal, we are easily susceptible to resentment and anger, to feelings of injustice. When I love myself as much as I love my neighbor, I am set free from a lot of emotional bondage that I otherwise place myself in. I have the Holy ghost to guide me and ultimately, I am happier and better able to serve others with a cheerful heart and no negative feelings.
I'm always amazed when people seem to have a resentful feeling toward Heavenly Father for putting so many commandments on their already long to do list. Because He doesn't give us these commandments to take up all our time, to oppress us and restrict us, just to see if we will obey. We should not resent him for giving us all these time-consuming commandments. On the contrary, these are his most loving commandments. He says, please, study and pray so my Spirit can be with you always and help you along your way. Please, obey the word of wisdom and keep your body healthy so you won't have to suffer as much. Please, don't try to run faster than you are able, for this is not what I require of you. Recognize your own limits; know how fast you can run (or rather how slow you need to jog) before your oil starts running out in that lamp you're supposed to keep burning. He says, Please, love yourself, value yourself enough to get to the temple so that I can talk with you.
President Gordon B. Hinckley is often quoted as saying, “Lose yourself, and go to work.” But he didn't say, “Lose your health and go to work.” He didn't say “Lose your spiritual oil and go to work.” He didn't say, “Lose your mind or sacrifice all of your family's wholesome recreational activities, and go to work.” No! Part of the “work” IS stopping whatever you are doing to walk across the house so you can listen to your daughter snap her fingers for the very first time. Jesus said, “A little child shall lead them.” When I see the light in my daughter's eyes when she's excited about something she's learned, I want to follow her example. I want to have that light in my eyes! What's amazing about when you start to do these things because you love yourself, you actually become less selfish!
We are only effective instruments in the hands of our Heavenly Father inasmuch as we keep ourselves sharpened and well-tuned. He cannot pierce the heart of another with a blunt arrow. He cannot help others see truth with someone who does not study it and know it for themselves. He cannot play beautiful music with our lives if we are not keeping ourselves in tune. He cannot lead others with someone who is incapable of governing his own conduct. D&C 11:21 says, “Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed.”
President Uchtdorf said, “Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. … If you ever feel your burden is too great to bear, lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you.” He said, “to those who walk in the ways of the Lord - our Father in Heaven has promised that you will “mount up with wings as eagles; you shall run, and not be weary; and you shall walk and not faint. You shall not be deceived.” God will bless and prosper you. “The gates of hell shall not prevail against you; and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his names glory.”
So as you go forward in your life, I challenge you to learn to love yourself as much as you love others.
So when you wake up late and rush through family prayer and getting out the door, don't give up. You can still pray and seek the Spirit. When your to do list is a mile long and you've only got twenty minutes, don't give up. Do what the Spirit prompts you to do that is most needful. When all you want to do is fall asleep, don't give up. When the dishes aren't done and your daughter is calling, “Come, watch what I can do!” Don't give up.
Persevere. But persevere in the right things. Do it because you love your Heavenly Father and your Savior, Jesus Christ and you want to be close to them. Do it for your family and neighbor. But also, don't forget to do it out of love for yourself because you are worth it. You are a royal son or daughter of God. You are worth the time and effort it takes to pray, study the scriptures, obtain the Spirit, keep your mind and body healthy and to attend the temple. And when we keep ourselves strong, we can be strong for others and be a useful instrument in our Heavenly Father's hands.
I bear you this my testimony that the Lord Jesus Christ lives and he loves you and he wants you to be happy!
Today my topic is Perseverance. I was given the talk by President Uchtdorf entitled “Your Happily Ever After,” from this past General Conference (published in the May Ensign Magazine). In it, he talks about our favorite fairy tale heroes and heroines and says, “Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “Happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity.” He told the Young Women that they are beloved daughters of God. This is true, not something made up in a fairy tale. Over and over throughout the article, he keeps reemphasizing how beloved we are of Heavenly Father and how much he wants to bless us with our own happily ever after. It's almost as though he is trying to convince us of it.
How many of us truly think of ourselves as quote, “royal spirit daughters [and sons] of Almighty God?”
When I first got my topic of perseverance, I thought the Lord had a really great sense of humor. But in reality, he was gently chastising me and teaching me some incredible principles I needed desperately to learn. This year, I've been pushing myself to keep up with my goals and failing miserably. I thought I was persevering through it. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming,” as Dori says, right? But now my perspective has changed and I hope I can inspire you with some of the things I realized while studying perseverance.
President Uchtdorf said, “How you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own 'happily ever after.'” Will you give up? Or will you persevere?
We hear this a lot at church, the counsel to persevere. For some, it actually increases the pressure they feel on their shoulders and makes them lean more toward giving up because they are overwhelmed with all they have to do. So what is at the root of that feeling of wanting to give up? Not knowing what to do next? You've tried everything, you're at the end of your rope. Maybe you've had bursts of perseverance, when you gave it all you had, but somehow you ended up feeling discouraged once again. Sometimes I'll have such a great day – I'll pray and study the scriptures and spend time with my family and accomplish something and I'll write about it, even, because it was so good. And I'll think Yeah, man, I finally figured things out. But then why don't I do it again the next day? Why is it that I can't seem to sustain a long-term, consistent, daily effort at happiness? Sure, life happens and you can't predict or plan everything, but you can pray and study every day. Right? You can try to have positive thoughts every day right? You can treat your family with respect and kindness every day right? Seems like I should be able to, but what stops me? What is it that causes me to give in to anger or give up on reading the scriptures and seeking revelation?
As I pondered this question, the scripture came to my mind, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” I looked up the complete passage in Matthew 22:36-39 and found this counsel from the Savior: “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”
When we hear this scripture, we often are taught about who our neighbor is and how we should serve others and that is a very essential part of living the gospel. Life is put into perspective as we focus on and serve others. But a new aspect of this scripture came to light as I read it this time: those two little words at the end: As Thyself. I think President Uchtdorf sensed the need for this principle as he was trying to convince us of how much we are loved.
Love thy neighbor as thyself implies a balance: Love of self and love of others has to be in balance.
President Uchtdorf said, “Please embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ! Learn to love your Heavenly Father with all your heart, might and mind,” (1st commandment) “Fill your souls with virtue and love goodness. Always strive to bring out the best in yourself and others.” (yourself and others - 2nd commandment.)
How do we bring out the best in ourselves? In others?
We all try to find our own happily ever after, Pres. Uchtdorf says, “and the truth is, “God knows how to get there. He has created a map for you... Trust Him enough to follow His plan. [of course], not all will follow the map. They may look at it. They may think it is reasonable, perhaps even true. But they do not follow the divine directions. Many believe that any road will take them to a happily ever after. Some may even become angry when others who know the way try to help and tell them… At times, some may wonder why they attend Church meetings or why it is so important to read the scriptures regularly or pray to our Heavenly Father daily. Here is my answer: You do these things because they are part of God's path for you.”
God's commandments are given to us for our own happiness. And they are often the things that get shoved to the bottom of our priority list. Prayer, study, word of wisdom, temple attendance. Why is that?
I go back to my original question: How many of us truly think of ourselves as royal sons and daughters of God, as worthy and important? I've always known that praying and studying scriptures daily, and going to the temple were commandments that would bless me. I've always known that my body is a temple of God and I should take care of it according to the Lord's law of health. But I never realized that I should be doing those things, not only out of obedience to and love for the Lord, but out of love and respect for myself. Even those commandments that are given to bless me - like exercising, praying, eating well, studying the scriptures – I was doing them more out of a feeling of duty to God and my family … so I wasn't allowing those activities to foster the feelings of love for myself that I should feel. It was more of a check mark on a to do list than it was an act of love for myself.
So as we look at this scripture, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” we see that we should love others, but not necessarily more than ourselves. Now I have to be careful here and I pray that no one will take this message in the wrong spirit. I don't want to imply anything that would lead you to believe you only need to look out for yourself in a prideful way and serve others only when it's convenient for you. That's not what I'm trying to say. Service does require sacrifice.
But too often in my life, I find myself so concerned with and overwhelmed by serving my family and others that I neglect obedience to those commandments that are given for my own personal well-being. When this principle is out of balance in my life, I allow doing things for others to completely crowd out things like scripture study and personal prayer. The parable of the Ten Virgins encourages us to build up and keep a store of spiritual oil. If we are neglecting ourselves, then we are not keeping our lamps filled.
When we are keeping ourselves so busy that we leave no time for our own physical and spiritual renewal, we are easily susceptible to resentment and anger, to feelings of injustice. When I love myself as much as I love my neighbor, I am set free from a lot of emotional bondage that I otherwise place myself in. I have the Holy ghost to guide me and ultimately, I am happier and better able to serve others with a cheerful heart and no negative feelings.
I'm always amazed when people seem to have a resentful feeling toward Heavenly Father for putting so many commandments on their already long to do list. Because He doesn't give us these commandments to take up all our time, to oppress us and restrict us, just to see if we will obey. We should not resent him for giving us all these time-consuming commandments. On the contrary, these are his most loving commandments. He says, please, study and pray so my Spirit can be with you always and help you along your way. Please, obey the word of wisdom and keep your body healthy so you won't have to suffer as much. Please, don't try to run faster than you are able, for this is not what I require of you. Recognize your own limits; know how fast you can run (or rather how slow you need to jog) before your oil starts running out in that lamp you're supposed to keep burning. He says, Please, love yourself, value yourself enough to get to the temple so that I can talk with you.
President Gordon B. Hinckley is often quoted as saying, “Lose yourself, and go to work.” But he didn't say, “Lose your health and go to work.” He didn't say “Lose your spiritual oil and go to work.” He didn't say, “Lose your mind or sacrifice all of your family's wholesome recreational activities, and go to work.” No! Part of the “work” IS stopping whatever you are doing to walk across the house so you can listen to your daughter snap her fingers for the very first time. Jesus said, “A little child shall lead them.” When I see the light in my daughter's eyes when she's excited about something she's learned, I want to follow her example. I want to have that light in my eyes! What's amazing about when you start to do these things because you love yourself, you actually become less selfish!
We are only effective instruments in the hands of our Heavenly Father inasmuch as we keep ourselves sharpened and well-tuned. He cannot pierce the heart of another with a blunt arrow. He cannot help others see truth with someone who does not study it and know it for themselves. He cannot play beautiful music with our lives if we are not keeping ourselves in tune. He cannot lead others with someone who is incapable of governing his own conduct. D&C 11:21 says, “Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed.”
President Uchtdorf said, “Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. … If you ever feel your burden is too great to bear, lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you.” He said, “to those who walk in the ways of the Lord - our Father in Heaven has promised that you will “mount up with wings as eagles; you shall run, and not be weary; and you shall walk and not faint. You shall not be deceived.” God will bless and prosper you. “The gates of hell shall not prevail against you; and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his names glory.”
So as you go forward in your life, I challenge you to learn to love yourself as much as you love others.
So when you wake up late and rush through family prayer and getting out the door, don't give up. You can still pray and seek the Spirit. When your to do list is a mile long and you've only got twenty minutes, don't give up. Do what the Spirit prompts you to do that is most needful. When all you want to do is fall asleep, don't give up. When the dishes aren't done and your daughter is calling, “Come, watch what I can do!” Don't give up.
Persevere. But persevere in the right things. Do it because you love your Heavenly Father and your Savior, Jesus Christ and you want to be close to them. Do it for your family and neighbor. But also, don't forget to do it out of love for yourself because you are worth it. You are a royal son or daughter of God. You are worth the time and effort it takes to pray, study the scriptures, obtain the Spirit, keep your mind and body healthy and to attend the temple. And when we keep ourselves strong, we can be strong for others and be a useful instrument in our Heavenly Father's hands.
I bear you this my testimony that the Lord Jesus Christ lives and he loves you and he wants you to be happy!
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