Weeding

Today I worked in the beautiful weather weeding my flowerbed. I did several other jobs outside, including cleaning up the shingles that were strewn all over the driveway around the pallet and the wooden pallets/plywood that have been leaning against the house for several years now. Now we can walk in between the house and the shingle load. Amazing. Now why did I not ever do that before? Why did I let my flower garden get overgrown with weeds and messy looking? Why have I allowed my house to get so cluttered? To be so out of order? I am truly seeing now the real connection there can be between the state of one's surroundings and possessions and the state of that person's mind and emotions, and their self-image.

Every weed I pull, every space I declutter, I feel a little more healed.

The most amazing thing about weeding in the flower garden today was that I didn't worry about anything else while I was doing it. I just did the work. I didn't rush through it or begrudge that it had to be done. I didn't even hate myself for allowing it to get so overgrown. I just worked and talked with my daughter. I just enjoyed being outdoors. I didn't feel guilty for not spending the time serving someone else or doing something else. It was the most enjoyable weeding I've ever done in my life. (and I hate weeding!)

Suddenly, I'm not in a hurry all the time about my to do list. It's just there, waiting for me, whenever I can get to it. Of course, there are still things that have deadlines and things that need to be done in a timely manner. But I'm allowing myself to work them into my life, not work my life around the things on my list. It was such a beautiful day and I just wanted to be outside, so I went outside! Too many days of my life, I've come up with excuses for why I cannot waste time outdoors when there is so much to be done in the house. What a shame.

I was feeling so great about my day and then my husband came home. He had a busy, stressful day. I've still been enjoying the bliss of having our family work together to clean up after dinner. But tonight, while Daddy stepped out of the kitchen for a few moments, I encouraged my daughter to help me quickly do his jobs for him so he could relax. It was our big secret that we surprised him with when he came back in.

I am ashamed to admit that this was one of too few times in my life when I felt true charity, as the pure love of Christ. I knew that my husband was going to come back in ready to help clean up, and I knew that he'd had a hard day. It was fun and I was filled with love as I did his jobs for him. I wasn't resentful, like I used to be – ya know, when I never would ask him to help me with anything (well, almost never). It's like now that I am learning how to respect myself and love myself, I am feeling more loved by others, too.

I definitely have a lot more to be thankful for this year at Thanksgiving!