Of Things That Matter Most

I've been hearing a lot about self-mastery, faith, and choices lately. I've been going back to the General Conference Archive and listening to some great talks again. President Uchtdorf's talk entitled “Of Things That Matter Most” in particular stood out to me and brought relief.

Last year was a huge leap for me with regards to my novel. I accomplished more in six months than I had in years. I got the first book in the series almost completed. Then I took a break, had some great holidays, had a baby, and well... I think I finished up a few partial chapters back in April and wrote one new one in September. Other than that, I really haven't written all year, other than in my journal and for this blog and a few letters. I kept thinking when my daughter started Kindergarten, I would get back to it consistently. So it's been on my mind for about three months now and I just haven't gotten to it. I've been mostly at peace about it, but a feeling of discord has been rising in me and I've been getting worried that I will never find the time to return to it again.

But a woman at church today said that you have to give your problems to the Lord and then stop worrying. You can still ponder and pray about them, but you can stop worrying and live with faith that the matter is in the Lord's hands. I thought, “Yes, I need to live with faith that if the Lord wants me to write this book, he will prepare a way for me to do it.”

President Uchtdorf said, “When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be...It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks.”

What a blessing it was for me to hear this. I am so incredibly talented at overscheduling my life, it is frightening sometimes. It's always a relief to be reminded that I am allowed to be human.

The parenting CD's I've been listening to gave me another eye-opener when I learned about the things that “drive” children (and thus adults). One of them “Be perfect.” Another is “Be Strong.” Don't let life get you down. No matter what happens, we're supposed to bounce back, take it in stride, never miss a beat, keep on keepin' on, and just keep smiling. Sometimes we get sent this message that we shouldn't feel what we feel. That we need to just get over it and stop crying.

What I'm realizing is that if we want to have self-mastery and be able to make those right choices, to focus on the Things that Matter Most, then we have to know the self we are trying to master. We have to admit the truth. And the truth is weakness. But that's okay! We're human. No matter how hard I try, I'm not superhuman. I can't always get everything done. I can't always smile. I can't always succeed. It's okay to ask for some time alone.

Being perfect has been a big “driver” for me. Learning that it's okay to fail has been hard, but liberating. I'm learning to expect what is realistic. To forgive myself for not accomplishing, or rather to release the feeling that I need to forgive myself. I'm learning that even if I fail at being the perfect example for my children, I can apologize and move forward and try to do better and it won't actually ruin my kid in the process. Kids don't need to see us being perfect all the time. They need to see how we deal with being imperfect. Dealing with that requires reliance on the Savior. Admitting failure. Being weak. They need to see that it's okay to fail, to feel, to cry, to pray, to move on, to try again. When we let go of this facade of always trying to be perfect and strong for ourselves, our family, our friends, we can slow down and focus on the joy of what matters most: them.