Parents, Children, and Christlike Love

It is sad to me that so many parent/child relationships end up in shambles when the child reaches adulthood. Pondering this has caused me to wonder whether I am already doing things that are leading my daughter toward the can't-wait-to-get-away-from-my-parents attitude so many teenagers have. Our family is focusing on Respect this month and I have begun to realize just how disrespectfully I speak to my daughter at times.

Too often, we are our own worst selves when in the presence of family members because they are the ones with whom we feel the most comfortable. This is unfortunate because these are the people we should treat with the most respect and the best manners of all.

I've wondered what causes this bitter annoyance or resentment that many people have for their parents. Perhaps one of the causes is the basic nature of the relationship. Other than marriage, it is the most challenging relationship in this life in terms of treating one another in a Christlike manner.

We grow up from infancy with our moms and dads. We observe them in every life situation. We see their reactions, attitudes, hypocrisies and flaws. Other than a spouse, there is no other person about whom we know so much. We know their flaws, mistakes, and sins all too well. Unfortunately, we may not have grown up seeing or hearing any of the regret they felt for their mistakes. I think of the times I mentally scold myself for saying one thing and doing another in front of my daughter. She does not hear my mental scolding; she only hears what I say and sees what I do.

The scriptures say, “Of you it is required to forgive all” and “Judge not lest ye be judged.” These relationships in which so many of a person's flaws are blatantly visible create one of the ultimate tests of our faith in this life.

Will we forgive our parents for the flaws we've seen in them for a lifetime and treat them with kindness? Will we willingly serve them with the same Christlike, respectful attitude with which we serve those who are our neighbors, but perhaps are not as familiar to us?

I hope I can improve and show more respect to all of my family members. I've found that the more communicating and seeking to understand I try to do, the better able I am to treat my family members with Christlike love. Families are part of God's plan for our lives. When we face Him in the end, I feel that the way we have handled our family relationships will be very high on the list of things to be reviewed.

Time Marches On

I recently attended church in a place I have not been for about seven years. Two years before I left there, I taught a sweet little six-year-old girl who knew all the answers to gospel questions and was amazingly sensitive to spiritual things. As I sat in the congregation, I realized that the beautiful young woman conducting the music was this little girl from my class! I was overwhelmed with joy and love for her and so proud to see her up front, conducting herself so reverently. I smiled brightly at her and she smiled back. After the meeting, I wanted to give her a big, heartfelt hug – I was nearly crying! I asked her if she remembered me.

She said, “No, I’m sorry,” with a polite but blank look on her face.

Something changes in the way you see yourself and the passage of time when things like that happen. Sigh. I’ll be turning thirty this year.

I recently came back into contact with some good friends who have a large family and found myself wondering how well the children would remember me.

It brought into focus a new aspect of adult and childhood for me. Many of you, I’m sure, have already figured this out. (I’m a little slow sometimes.) We grow into adults who have many experiences knowing, loving, teaching, and raising beautiful children. We have memory after memory stored up of these small people. But when they are all grown up, they only remember a very small portion of who you were to them as a child. Hmmm, who is really teaching who, here?

Hopefully the parent-child bond is strong enough to create many positive experiences after a child begins retaining more of their memory. Unfortunately, too many teenagers and parents go their separate ways. Relationships seldom stretch into adulthood so that the man who was once a child can get to know his parents on an adult level.

It all brings to mind the Lord’s promise in the book of Malachi. He said that in the last days, the Elijah would come and turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers (Mal. 4:6). Many people take this to mean that people will take a vested interest in their family history and the many generations that went before them and their stories. But what about just within our immediate family? Sure, we are supposed to leave our parents and cleave unto our spouse when we get married, but that doesn’t have to mean that we stop learning from our parents.

I don’t think I’ve fully allowed myself to consider the day when my daughter leaves home and I no longer have her close by. When I do, I think it will break my heart. Did it break my mom’s heart when I left home? Obviously, life goes on for empty-nesters. Marriage, the most important relationship in life, goes on. Grand-parenting begins and more joy comes as we find ourselves interacting with small people again.

Even though it might break my heart to let her go one day, I hope I will be proud of who she has become. Because even though she might not know everything about me, who I am will be reflected in her – every day – for the rest of her life, whether she remembers it or not. And a little bit of who I am will even be reflected in that little six-year-old, too. If seeing her as a righteous young woman of about fourteen brought me that much joy, then how much more will I be consumed by joy when it is my daughter, all grown up with a testimony of Jesus Christ in her heart? Why are we here, teaching and learning from all these children in our lives? Oh yeah, so we can have joy. And, so we can learn some of the most important lessons God has for us to learn.