Can't Do It Alone

Today I am once again reminded that I simply cannot do it alone. I am in dire need of my Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ, as well as the Holy Ghost, every single hour of my life. It always amazes me how quickly I can go from feeling peace and gratitude in my heart, and enjoying my blessings to feeling frustrated and irritable or angry, etc. I can go from being Christlike to being the opposite in a matter of hours. And sometimes it can last for days before I humble myself enough to offer an earnest prayer for help. To admit to Heavenly Father that I am not doing something right and I need help to overcome my feelings. Or to plead with him to help me overcome the feelings induced by the unfortunate choices of others around me.

Nothing helps me faster than prayer. This morning, I prayed and felt that I should exercise. So I did, and I put the extra “umph” into it in an effort to release the angry feelings I was having. It really helped! As I physically released that angry energy, I was able to soften my heart and hear the voice of the Holy Ghost. He was reminding me of some specific things I have already learned, but that I have forgotten. Remembering these small details helped me to put into perspective a situation that I was misconstruing. I was able to pray and offer the Lord more sincere repentance after my workout was over. He always knows just what I need! I'm so thankful that he cares enough about my little life in the grand scheme of things to lend me his grace and help me through it.

Self Discovery

There is a preoccupation with self discovery among youth and adults alike in our world. It's like this need that has been programmed into us all to find out “who I am.” I grew up thinking about this and I'm sure several of you did, too. What it took me a long time to understand is that really, finding out who you are is a function of your choices. You are who you choose to be. Your choices govern who you become.

Also, we, as adults or youth, are not one well-defined person who needs to simply be uncovered. We are changing beings who learn from mistakes and improve (hopefully).

Some definitions are great and as we make choices in life, we add to our self-definition. The choice to be chaste, sober, married, etc. Definitions that help us live up to righteous standards are good. Standards and values should be well-defined and followed. But sometimes when we define ourselves, it can actually limit us from growing. We may not say them aloud, but some of us actually define ourselves in negative ways. We are addicts, we can't hear God's answers to prayer, we are too sick to do what we want or need to do.
What is it that makes you feel like you don't know who you are in the first place? Usually, wrong choices do. It's not that you don't know who you are; it's that you are not making all the choices that you know you should be. We don't quite live in complete faith that God will guide our lives one step at a time. If we did, we would feel really good about ourselves.

Sometimes we feel lost because of the challenges that come with circumstance. Several things go wrong at once and we wonder who we are or if we are doing something wrong to deserve this. Perhaps we may wonder if God is punishing us. I am grateful to have an understanding about God that leads me to ask the question, “What is God trying to teach me through this trial?” rather than a “woe is me” attitude, or even a “I don't even know who I am anymore” attitude. If I have consistently tried to make good choices, I have a solid foundation for who I think I am. Of course, the Lord knows better. He knows how I need to grow even if I can't see it. So if a moment comes when I am asking, “Who am I?” because of a trial, I can ask with the understanding that the Lord is only trying to mold me into someone better.

Being an Instrument

Today I sort of reached a point where I was floundering a bit in knowing what the Lord would have me to do. (How appropriate, considering my last two posts). So I prayed more than usual this morning and studied the scriptures more than usual and afterward I was feeling the Spirit again.

Now that my daughter is in preschool for 3 hours every morning, I made a general commitment that I would use most of that time for my writing, meaning my novel. However, this week, I completed an amazing two chapters by Wednesday afternoon. I was feeling so good, but so weird. All of the sudden, I do have more time to write. The writing is flowing along nicely, so I started to feel like I should use my precious alone time to do some other important things. I suddenly have time to look at the other priorities the Lord has given me that I may have neglected, like helping other people, for example.

I felt I should write my testimony in a letter format and give it to a friend. So I did. I also felt I should write another letter to a friend that might help them grow spiritually. So I did. Now I am writing this and I feel really good about what I did with my morning.

I had tons of other things and errands I could have been doing, but I felt out of sync with the Lord's will. It was just a feeling like I was missing something. I realized that all of my writing and creativity can't be constantly poured into only one thing – my novel, that is. I have been given this gift because the Lord wants me to use it as a tool. I do feel He will use my novel as a tool to help others grow spiritually, but that is not all he wants me to do. Writing a novel takes a long time. A very looooong time sometimes. In the meantime, life goes by!

I felt today that the Lord was telling me, just as he led me to start this blog, to use my talent in other ways to bless the lives of people I love. I just have to pay enough attention to the ones I love and pray over them and seek the Lord's will for how he would use me as an instrument in their lives. Nothing feels better than being used as an instrument in the Lord's hands, whether it is through writing a letter, or doing a small or great service. Some people think they can't sacrifice their time to serve others or write tedious letters because then they would not get anything else done that they wanted to and then they would not be happy. On the contrary, when we sacrifice what we thought would bring us happiness to do what the Lord wants us to do instead, then we actually find true joy and contentment. The Lord amazes me with his ways! He is wonderful.

Faith, Pride, and Trials: Part II

Last time I talked about not assuming superiority over the truth. As in, we need to admit the truth to ourselves when things are going wrong instead of pridefully continuing in our feelings of resentment, anger, etc. I referenced James 3:14.

We should not assume superiority over God's will, either. I know people who have acted on the guidance they received in answer to prayer. Then as they continued to do what they were sure was God's will for them, things went in the wrong direction and turned out to be a big challenge. When this happens, people sometimes lose faith in their ability to know what God's will is for them. If whatever happened had been God's will, then it would not have gone awry.

Well, I believe that we cannot presume to know the mind of the Lord as we follow His will. I do know that He will guide and direct us through the power of the Holy Ghost as we humbly seek answers to our prayers. He gives us direction concerning the things we are responsible for (as in ourselves and family, not the President of the United States). If we have faith, we can receive guidance and answers to know what to do in our lives specifically. The Lord knows each of us better than we know ourselves. He knows what lessons we need to learn. He knows what we can and can't handle. We must have faith that He knows what He is doing. He is God.

How could we react differently to challenges like this? When we thought we were doing something right, but it just didn't work out. In the midst of all trials, no matter what happens, we can keep our faith in Jesus Christ. Abraham kept his faith even when he was asked to sacrifice his son! We can keep our faith that the Lord knows what he is doing, even if we don't understand it. I studied the Book of Revelation in depth once and realized, with the help of a religion instructor, that the main message of the entire Revelation to John is that God is in control. He knows what He is doing.

Even when it feels like our lives are out of control, He is watching over us and will guide our steps if we let Him. Just look at what the Lord allowed to happen to Job. But Job never lost faith, even when all he owned and all his children and even his health were taken from him! All at once almost! The Lord never would have allowed it if He had known Job could not handle it. But He did. And Job kept his faith strong. He did not assume superiority over God's judgment in allowing these terrible things to happen to him. And the Lord blessed him beyond what he had before after the trials were over.

Projects we began because we were following God's will may not always go the way we thought they would. But the Lord can use even failed projects to meet other objectives and to bring blessings into people's lives in ways we may not be able to see until after we die. Even in the midst of our trials, we can find peace in moments of quiet prayer and study of His word. We can find peace as we humble ourselves and keep our faith in the Lord and his timing.

Faith, Pride, and Trials: Part I

I was reading in James this week, chapter 3. Verse 14 reads, “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.” The word “glory” has a footnote with the Greek translation, which means, “do not assume superiority over.” So, with that in mind, we could read, “If ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, do not assume superiority over the truth.”

This verse has really helped me to humble myself enough to pray to receive God's help. Who among us does not have some kind of strife in our hearts from time to time? Whether it is anger or depression or just a generally negative attitude. Usually when we are continuing to have these feelings without resolution, it is because we have not admitted the truth to ourselves. Pride plays a major role here as we continue to feel angry at God for something gone wrong or depressed that our lives aren't happier when actually they are pretty blessed.

Pride helps us justify what we are feeling and doing. Resentment and anger feeds itself as we neglect the truth. We presume to know what another person was thinking when he did such and such. We are angry because a child is repeatedly disobedient. But if we examined the situation for truth, we would see that perhaps that person had good intentions after all, or was unaware. We would see that we had been neglecting the child all day in favor of errands and housework and that we are the ones who do not have our priorities in order.

Part of admitting the truth to ourselves is admitting that we need the Lord's help to change our hearts. Sometimes part of the anger we feel is anger at ourselves for not being able to change and do what is right, or feel the right way about something. But the truth we must realize is that we cannot do it all by ourselves. Our relationship with the Savior is vital here. We must remember to pray and study His word, two things that pride keeps us from doing. Prayer and study help us to receive the blessings of His Atoning Sacrifice. He is only waiting for us to ask for His help. When we are humble enough to admit we need it, He pours out blessings upon us. He changes our hearts like no other source can.

I have had this experience many times. Everything seems to be going wrong with my week or day and I am resentful and irritable and depressed and angry. When I finally remember to take a step back and examine what is really going on, I realize that I haven't said my prayers, I haven't studied my scriptures, and I am not feeling the Holy Spirit with me. The problem was me, not my circumstances. I have knelt in prayer at these times and poured my heart out to the Lord. He hears me every time and I count it nothing less than a miracle that when I stand up again, my heart is changed and the bitter feelings have been taken away by the Lord Jesus Christ himself.