Hypocrisy Destroys Faith

Last weekend, a General Conference of the members of my church was held. Speakers from around the world shared messages that were inspired of God. As I listened, I began to string together some themes that seemed to be running through almost every talk. Be in tune with the Holy Ghost to give you divine guidance and personal direction. Follow God's living prophet. Several speakers said that mankind is meant “to act and not be acted upon” and that “wickedness never was happiness.” Several mentioned Satan's cunning methods as he tries to gradually drag us down to hell, especially through the influence of various media. I felt the overarching themes throughout the conference, however, were faith and purity, as well as raising our children in righteousness. Perhaps those are simply the themes that stood out to me.

Mary N. Cook spoke of how our actions influence our children's faith. She talked about being a good example and quoted Brigham Young, who said, “We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing to see our children do. We should set them an example that we wish them to imitate.” This very simple principle hit home to me partly because I have been remaking my parenting style, almost completely overhauling it actually. I've been learning that personal purity is so important in parenting. What message are you sending when you tell a child to do something and then do the opposite yourself? It makes your command to them seem more restrictive, for one thing. But more than that, it destroys your credibility with them. Your words become hollow attempts to control their behavior, not loving admonitions to help them be happier and avoid heartache. You lose the confidence of your children.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson said, “The Savior’s sternest rebukes were to hypocrites. Hypocrisy is terribly destructive, not only to the hypocrite but also to those who observe or know of his or her conduct, especially children. It is faith destroying.” Hypocrisy in parents can destroy the faith of a child!

Outward hypocrisy is really a reflection of inward impurity. The messages that hypocrisy sends are complex. Outwardly, it may seem that I am arrogant, and because I am an adult, I think I can abide by a different set of standards because I am all grown up now and I can do what I want. I don't have my parents around restricting me anymore and I am free to do anything I please. My children, however, haven't earned that privilege by growing up yet. It sends the message that when they grow up, they can do whatever they want. But this could not be further from the truth! Consequences always follow choices, good or bad, for adults and children. If we don't teach our children that, then they grow up thinking they can skate around God's eternal consequences, or be rescued from them, and that is simply not true.

Perhaps a more hidden message of hypocrisy goes back to self-love. If we do not love and respect ourselves enough to follow the standards we've set for our children, the standards we say we believe in, then we portray a very low self-image and self-esteem to them. They see it! They feel it! They know our hearts are not at peace with ourselves. It leaves them confused, and too often feeling the same way about themselves.

Our challenge is to go forward with faith, repent of our own hypocrisy and renew our efforts to live the values that we preach to our children. But this faith is not something that resides quietly in our hearts as we go about our hectic lives giving barely a moment to our relationship with God. I was taught during General Conference that having faith is a choice. It is something that must be sought after and developed through prayer and scripture study. Faith can remove a mountain of doubt and despair. But it requires action! Even just establishing simple righteous patterns, as Elder Lawrence taught, of daily family prayer and scripture study, weekly Family Home Evening, daily family dinner and frequent one-on-one interviews, can make a world of difference in building faith in Jesus Christ. Ultimately, we must work to seek out and understand what the Lord would have us do – to help ourselves, to help others, and to teach our children. Then stop making excuses not to do what we feel He wants us to do.

If you'd like to read more of the inspired messages shared in General Conference, be sure to visit www.lds.org.