Who Shall Separate Us From the Love of Christ?

Setback. Today, I thought, 'If only my readers could see me now. What a hypocrite they would think me to be.' I thought I was doing so well, being so happy, getting over my old self, but today was like a time warp straight back to my pre-Charity era. Some things...attitudes...people...weren't working out like I would have hoped and as a result I was back to my old self. My old negative thinking, unmotivated self. I forgot my goals and ate too many cookies from someone else's cookie jar. I did workout, though, but I was angry and pushing for part of the time and sad and sluggish for the other part. I still plowed through the day and tried to do some of the same things that usually brought me joy, but it just wasn't there.

I kept wondering, why? Why have I lost that high feeling of transformation that I had this past couple of weeks? What is different? Thoughts came with possible explanations and I gained some understanding, but I still felt lost and unable to feel that sweet joy and peace in my heart like before. Even when I checked off a very big to do on my list. Even when I was praying and reading the scriptures...a little. Even when my toddler was laughing at his sister.

As I listened with my daughter to one of her electronic storybooks about Beauty and the Beast, I noticed how the Beast could not change back into his true form as a prince until he received love from someone else. Belle's fallen tear as she spoke the words, “I love you,” reminded me of how it is the Savior's Pure Love that is changing me. Why couldn't I feel that love today? (He even loves us when we're beastly)!

It was not until late in the evening that I made it into a very dirty kitchen to begin cleaning it up that I decided to listen to a talk from church. Our church has this great website where you can click on talks that were recently broadcast at our General Conference and listen to them over again. So I found one entitled, “More Than Conquerors Through Him That Loved Us,” referencing Paul's words in the book of Romans.

In his talk, Paul V. Johnson states, “A pattern in the scriptures and in life shows that many times the darkest, most dangerous tests immediately precede remarkable events and tremendous growth. “After much tribulation come the blessings.” The children of Israel were trapped against the Red Sea before it was parted...Time after time we see marvelous blessings on the heels of great trials.”

This particular trial I am experiencing today feels more difficult to bear than all the previous ones from this past year or so added together. Since such great light and joy came after those trials, I am hoping that this will also lead to even more joy in the near future.

But tonight as I write this, I am at peace once again and beginning to feel Christ's charity and love transform me a little more. Here are the scriptures that finally released me from Satan's grasp:

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ...Nay, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:35,37-39).

Today, it was me. I was allowing my tribulation to separate me from God. Another scripture reference from the talk was this: “Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day” (Alma 36:3).

Today, it was me. I was not trusting God with my burden. I was picking up unnecessary emotional baggage. I had to choose to set it back down. The true burden of our trials is to be laid at His feet with total trust. If we can do that, then we will be “more than conquerors.”

In this chapter, Alma goes on to explain his own spiritual rebirth to his son, Helaman. He says, “and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost. Yea, and now behold, O my son, the Lord doth give me exceedingly great joy in the fruit of my labors,” (Alma 36:24-25).

Today, it was me. I slacked off in my efforts to feel true love and charity in my heart. I did not “labor without ceasing.” As I read this, I thought that this transformation I'm experiencing does not mean that I will have things easy from now on. On the contrary, my trials will give me what I need to learn more. They will still be there. I will still have to fight them. I will still have to labor without ceasing. But “I do put my trust in Him, and He will still deliver me” (Alma 36:27).

Once I was out of Satan's grasp, I felt a lot better, and I was able to feel God's love and act with charity. Then things...attitudes...people got a lot better too.