The Teenager Attitude

Sometimes I am frustrated with the behavior of preteens and teenagers and I chalk it up to that “teenager attitude” everyone seems to label them as having. Well, I was thinking about that this weekend. I had to handle some bickering and fighting between some children that age and I found myself acting almost as disrespectful as they were!

I was thinking, wow, my true colors really show through when I am under stress. Is this who I really am? Well, no, who I really am depends on all my choices and actions, most of which I hope are pretty good. And yes, I do have room for improvement.

Someone at church today said, though, that we must use righteous judgment as we choose to place ourselves in any situation. We should try our best to avoid situations in which we know we may become tempted to act inappropriately. Hmmm, I thought. Does that mean I should just avoid the situation where I will have to handle arguing teenagers? Maybe. It does tempt me sorely to act in a way that is not Christlike.

So I was thinking about this disrespectful behavior (mine and theirs). Then it occurred to me that there is no such thing as a teenager attitude. It is all one big continuum over a lifetime.
There are simply attitudes and behaviors that we observe as children and adopt as we grow up, whether we realize we are doing so or not. (Mostly not.) We either keep them for a lifetime or work for a lifetime to overcome them.

They manifest differently at different ages. I am now wondering what the strong-willed nature of my four-year-old will turn into later. I hope I can overcome my own disrespectful tendencies enough to live a good example for her to observe and imitate.

What a gift it is to our children if we teach them the basics of respecting others and themselves! Basic manners and kindness such as not interrupting, cleaning up after yourself, saying please and thank you, actually caring about your family members and trying to understand them, and other family habits like sitting down together to eat a meal...these used to be taught in homes and schools but seem to have gotten lost somewhere in our culture over the past several decades.

The scriptures say in James 3 that, “In many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body,” and “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing (of God) and cursing (of man)....these things ought not so to be.”

What a gift that lasts a lifetime if we can teach our children to speak softly and guard their speech carefully. If we can teach them to be calm and have the attitude of a peacemaker. I'm going to have to pray for a lot of help and patience to teach this one. Does anyone else struggle with this?

Parents, Children, and Christlike Love

It is sad to me that so many parent/child relationships end up in shambles when the child reaches adulthood. Pondering this has caused me to wonder whether I am already doing things that are leading my daughter toward the can't-wait-to-get-away-from-my-parents attitude so many teenagers have. Our family is focusing on Respect this month and I have begun to realize just how disrespectfully I speak to my daughter at times.

Too often, we are our own worst selves when in the presence of family members because they are the ones with whom we feel the most comfortable. This is unfortunate because these are the people we should treat with the most respect and the best manners of all.

I've wondered what causes this bitter annoyance or resentment that many people have for their parents. Perhaps one of the causes is the basic nature of the relationship. Other than marriage, it is the most challenging relationship in this life in terms of treating one another in a Christlike manner.

We grow up from infancy with our moms and dads. We observe them in every life situation. We see their reactions, attitudes, hypocrisies and flaws. Other than a spouse, there is no other person about whom we know so much. We know their flaws, mistakes, and sins all too well. Unfortunately, we may not have grown up seeing or hearing any of the regret they felt for their mistakes. I think of the times I mentally scold myself for saying one thing and doing another in front of my daughter. She does not hear my mental scolding; she only hears what I say and sees what I do.

The scriptures say, “Of you it is required to forgive all” and “Judge not lest ye be judged.” These relationships in which so many of a person's flaws are blatantly visible create one of the ultimate tests of our faith in this life.

Will we forgive our parents for the flaws we've seen in them for a lifetime and treat them with kindness? Will we willingly serve them with the same Christlike, respectful attitude with which we serve those who are our neighbors, but perhaps are not as familiar to us?

I hope I can improve and show more respect to all of my family members. I've found that the more communicating and seeking to understand I try to do, the better able I am to treat my family members with Christlike love. Families are part of God's plan for our lives. When we face Him in the end, I feel that the way we have handled our family relationships will be very high on the list of things to be reviewed.

Escape versus Prayer

Today at church, someone spoke about how we are eternal beings and will live forever. But we have one short earthly life to live and learn from. So, we should get serious about learning all we can and becoming more Christlike in this life, which is very short in the eternal scheme of things.

The comment made me think about escape. I have an unfortunate tendency to want to escape from life when it is getting too hard for me to handle. I want to read Harry Potter for hours or just watch a movie, get out of the house, go away for the weekend, send my daughter to Grandma's, etc, etc. I even just want to escape to the brief pleasure that comes from eating a piece of chocolate.

The problem with this is that when I'm back from my escape, my problems are still there. Sometimes they are worse. Those of you who know me are probably wondering what in the world kind of problems I have in my amazingly blessed and seemingly trial-free life. Well, I'm the first one to admit that most of my problems come from my own attitude about things. Anyway, that doesn't matter. We all have problems.

Relaxing in life does, of course, have its place. We all need fun and recreation to renew our energies and help us enjoy life. But I've found that escaping every time I reach the boiling point of frustration or stress is actually hindering my spirituality and closeness to Jesus Christ.

It is taking me so long to learn this lesson, but I am gradually figuring out that it's true. When I am bustling around the house, feeling sorry for myself because of all the work I have to do, or anytime I am feeling depressed for any reason, escape is not a productive solution.

I am finding that whenever I feel like escaping from life, if I kneel down and pray instead, or read the scriptures or a spiritual article, then the Lord changes my heart and helps me to feel better, allowing me to go about my work with a light heart and a positive attitude. He helps me to remember the many blessings I should be feeling grateful for and how many people there are who would give much to be in my situation.

We are here on earth to learn something. The Lord is our teacher. If we spend our whole life escaping from problems, we won't learn anything. We are eternal beings. Whether it is one day soon or after we die, we will have to face the problems we struggle with and will not be able to escape them. Ultimately, real escape is impossible. I would rather face it now and learn something.

It always brings me more happiness to learn from God in prayer and scripture study. Escape only brings temporary relief. I don't want to face my Maker after I die and have him tell me what I should have learned from the experiences I had on the earth. I think a habit of escape is one of Satan's tools to distract us from becoming more like the Savior and to keep us from being happy. The Lord gave us freedom of choice so we could act, not be acted upon. Escape is a reaction to the forces I feel acting upon me. Prayer, however, is an act, a choice I take to help me cope with and learn from those forces. Anyone else have any experiences or thoughts to share? I'd love to see your comments.

Faith

I just got around to watching the movie Bucket List last night. It's a sad but uplifting story about two men who are diagnosed with cancer and given a year to live. While they are on a last chance get-away trip together, they have a conversation about faith and the existence of God. Cole says something like, “You don't claim to know anything I don't know.” Carter replies that he “just has faith.”

As I watched this, I felt sad for the millions of people out there who think that belief is all that faith can be. I am so grateful that I have been taught about how God speaks to us through the power of the Holy Ghost. Those sweet assurances that have come to me during times of prayer enable me to say with no doubt that I know God lives and Jesus Christ is our Savior. I know they are real. I have felt it through the power of the Holy Ghost and there is nothing that would ever cause me to say that I merely believe or have faith that they are real. They have performed miracles and answered prayers in my life.

So if you are one of those people who think faith can never progress into a perfect knowledge until after death, then I have a challenge for you. Pray. Pray simply for your Heavenly Father to manifest to you the truthfulness of the scriptures, or of the existence of Him and His Son. The Lord has promised that if you pray in faith, believing that you will receive an answer to your prayer, you will receive.

I do not wish to belittle the faith of others. Faith is how it all begins! Faith is absolutely necessary! But be assured that in a conversation like Carter's, it is possible to reply with a sure knowledge that God is real because of the witness felt in the heart.