The Quiet of a Storm

Today, we were supposed to bake tons of chocolate chip cookies to give away at church. We were supposed to thoroughly clean the house and make ham rolls and chocolate cake for the family Christmas Party that was to be in our home. We were supposed to bake more sugar cookies and decorate them to give away to my daughters' friends at church. We were supposed to get everything else ready for tomorrow. We were supposed to have a busy, busy day.

But it snowed more than a foot.

We are buried in beautiful blissful escape.

Instead, I kept my Pajamas on all day. I took video and pictures of my family playing in the snow. I huffed and puffed my pregnant self through the knee deep snow and played in it. I laughed when I fell backwards and my husband had to pull me up out of it. I enjoyed some hot chocolate with marshmallows (Warm chocolate soymilk is not so bad!). I still made cookies, but they were the healthy oatmeal walnut chocolate chip lactose free kind, not the mix I had been planning on using for convenience. I still ate too many chocolate chips. My daughter and I colored lots of pictures with a brand new box of crayons. I watched my husband play with my daughter outside and fell more in love with him. He let her try to play his trumpet after filling the house with Christmas and spiritual music for a while.

After dinner, she snuggled with daddy in the recliner while he read the scriptures and we said family prayer. Then we turned out all the lights and looked at the lighted manger scene and tree. We sang Christmas carols together. It was peaceful and filled with joy. It was what Christmas is all about. I love the Savior. I love my family. I love that I can be with them most of the days of my life. I love Christmas. I love snow.

I love it when Heavenly Father sends a blizzard to quiet the storm of our lives.

When I Am Weak, Then Am I Strong

In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul gives us the above statement. After a mostly pleasant morning became colored by my frustrations and annoyances, I read this and wondered, now what do you mean, Paul? When I am Weak, Then am I Strong? How exactly?

The matter required further delving into the scriptures to understand. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 is given after Paul tells us he prayed three times for the Lord to remove his “thorn in the flesh” from him. The scripture says, “And he (the Lord) said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Most gladly therefore will I (Paul) rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (I added the quotes and names for clarification).

Okay, Paul, so what you are saying is that because you have weaknesses, there are qualities in your character which need the power of Christ to change. When the power of Christ is there with you, helping you, you are strong because of His presence.

But what about how I was frustrated this morning? I didn't feel strong. I didn't feel Christ working in me. Of course, I realized, that's because I wasn't letting Him. I mean, I was giving into my weakness instead of asking for His help with it. Without His help, when I am weak, I'm just weak.

I studied further. One of the footnotes led me to this scripture: “And if men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27).

Ah. So the next time in the same situation, if I am humble and aware of my weakness, and if I slow down and take the time to petition the Lord for His help, then He will help me to change my direction and choose actions that are more reflective of a Christlike nature. Sometimes the petition may just be a 10 second prayer and a few deep breaths. Other times, a weakness or distress may feel so strong that it overcomes our whole souls for a time. When this happens, we must fall to our knees as well, and humbly petition the Lord for His help in whatever capacity we need. We can faithfully offer prayer to Him for as long as it takes until His healing peace and comfort, even His strength and grace overwhelms our souls and changes us from someone who feels out of control into someone who can handle anything.

My Testimony of Jesus Christ

I'm feeling the holiday season approach a little earlier this year. Maybe it's because I already heard 'Jingle Bell Rock' on the radio station. Or maybe it's because I've already been shopping for gifts and putting packages together, complete with red and green ribbons. Maybe it's because I've already bought the 2 dozen eggs I'll need for the pumpkin bread I'm going to make and give away. I'm excitedly anticipating getting out the Christmas decorations and I think I am set on actually doing some of that before Thanksgiving this year, which is way out of my normal 'Christmas season boundaries.'

One of the things that has caused me to think more about Christmas this year is planning how I am going to teach my daughter about Jesus Christ. I'm already anticipating the magical way that the Christmas season can bring us closer to the Savior if we allow it to.

So today, I want to share a simple testimony of the power of Jesus Christ. I say simple, but in fact there are many different facets to it, as the many different colors reflected altogether to produce a beautiful pure white to our eyes.

First and foremost, I know that He suffered and died for me, taking on the punishment for my sins so that the demands of justice would be met. Because He did this, I am able to be made clean through Him, a recipient of infinite mercy at his hands. I know that after three days, He was resurrected, and overcame death for all of us. I know I will be resurrected because of His power. I know that He lives. I know that He loves each one of us. I know that He wants us to come unto Him, to repent, to pray, to study His word and follow the example He set for us in how to treat our neighbor.

I also know what it is to wander through this life, feeling as though its purpose has eluded me. I know what it is to be beset on all sides by depression, negativity, heartache, loneliness and doubt. I know what it is to long for something more. To long for change. To long for happiness. To long for peace. Because of my Savior, Jesus Christ, I know what it is to feel a sure purpose, to be guided out of the depths of sorrow, and to receive the peace I have longed for.

My deepest knowledge of the Savior has come to me in quiet moments of prayer and study, or in the times I am able to listen to the words His Spirit speaks to my heart as I listen to the lessons I hear at church or the testimony of friends and family. It is in those moments, when it feels as though an arrow of emotion is piercing through my heart, that I have learned for myself that He lives. I have learned that He does have the power to lighten our burdens if we will but hand them over. I have learned that He will take anger and judgment away from our hearts if we will let Him in far enough to do so. I have learned that He will answer our prayers for others if we will have the faith to step back and patiently watch His hands at work. I have learned that He can speak peace to our hearts even in the midst of chaos all around. I have learned that He can truly turn our weaknesses into strengths. I have learned that through Him, we can press forward in this life, with a perfect brightness of hope for what the future contains. If we truly make it our goal to follow Him, our Good Shepherd will lead us safely home. That we may all draw ourselves closer to Jesus Christ our Savior this Christmas season is my prayer.

Love One Another

It's so amazing how friends can impact your life so much. Just being friends with people and loving them dearly, to the point that I hear about their struggles and triumphs in life, can make such a huge difference in my own perspective and mood.

This is a month of gratitude. As we are teaching our daughter this month, we are counseled in the scriptures to “love one another, even as I have loved you.” (See John 13:34-35). The more I pray for Heavenly Father to bless me to feel great love for other people, the better able I am to push the pause button on my own life and simply listen to others. The more love I feel for them, the more I am convinced that the Lord wants us to love others not only to serve and help them, but because it will change our own hearts as well.

As I see the struggles others face, my own struggles dwindle into near nothingness, or at the very least become much more manageable. He makes my “burdens light” as He shows me the tremendous burdens that others face. Matthew 10:39 says, “He that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” As I love others as Jesus loves me, I actually find myself. I find more joy and gratitude in my heart. I don't blow things out of proportion or get angry easily. I don't dwell on my own problems because I am humbled by the problems other people are facing. I don't waste time on unnecessary things and forget about the priorities and goals I've set for myself and family. So, Love! As you go into this holiday season, Love One Another! It will increase your capacity to feel the Savior's love for you, too.

Love Causes Change

Sunday morning this week was a bear. I'm grouchy when I'm sleepy anyway, but this morning was especially trying. The time change might help some people, but for us, we're always tricked into staying up late thinking that we have an extra hour anyway, only to overdo it and face a groggy morning with a very awake daughter who thinks it is an hour later than we do. There was an extra Grrr in my grouchiness on this particular morning.

I prayed for help during a few quiet moments. Angry feelings stayed with me for a while until I finally told my daughter that I needed to feel the Holy Ghost and I had not yet read my scriptures. She wanted me to read to her from a church magazine, so I compromised and told her I would choose the story to make sure it had some good scriptures in it that would help me feel the Spirit.

I turned to the first message in the Friend magazine and read President Thomas S. Monson's message. The first line was “Love causes change.” Immediately, my heart was pierced with the message from the Spirit that the love I have for my family should cause me to change. I felt sorry for my angry feelings and repented in that moment, feeling the Lord heal my heart with his love for me.

The scripture quoted there was John 13:34, “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

I tried for the rest of the morning to show my family the same love the Savior shows me. The angry feelings were completely gone. Forgiveness came. Then a situation arose that would have normally tried my patience beyond my ability to remain calm. A power struggle with my daughter. Amazingly, I still felt the Spirit throughout the whole almost hour long ordeal. (We don't have church until 11:30). The Lord wasn't just helping me control my anger. He helped me so that the anger never even appeared in my heart! After the episode, I was filled with gratitude that I was able to handle it in a kind, firm way without giving in.

I testify that the Savior's love changes our hearts, not only in the moment we first choose to follow Him, but in all the challenging moments after that as well. His love causes change. Our love for our family and Him cause us to change for the better. The experience reminds me of the scripture that says, “Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin.” As I tried to teach my daughter that bad choices do not help us feel joy, I realized that I am still learning the same lesson myself. Her actions were paralleling what I had done that morning. I hope I can teach her that Jesus can change our hearts even when we are caught up in bad feelings if we choose to seek Him.

Charity Never Faileth

I had several opportunities to give and observe service to others this past week. For a while now, I've been in the process of organizing my time and household so that I could keep up with everything and not feel behind all the time. Amazingly, I feel I have succeeded, with the Lord's help, of course. This week I found that offering service to others is so much easier when I am caught up on my personal and family responsibilities. It made me wonder what the Lord expects of us in terms of giving service to others. Should I never serve outside my family unless I am caught up at home? I don't think that sounds right. So what is the right balance between service to others and our own responsibilities?

My perspective about how much service I give has improved as I have taken on this project of keeping up at home. I've come to understand that while my family members are responsible for their own portion, the cleaning of my home is actually a service to them (and it helps me, too). But it's not just cleaning that I feel I need to keep up with. It is teaching my daughter right from wrong, making sure there are good influences in her life, teaching her the scriptures and making sure all family members are communicating well and taking care of one another. I won't list everything I do here. I'm sure you moms out there know what responsibilities I am referring to.

I believe it was President Thomas S. Monson who said, “Don't ever let the solving of a problem become more important than the loving of a person.” Priorities are so important here. I don't think striking a balance is going to be the same every day or week or month or year. It will just vary from time to time. Sometimes sacrificing your own to do list in favor of serving someone else is what the Lord would have you do. And sometimes He would have you focus your service within the walls of your own home before taking your efforts outside it.

I have found that as I am sure to make prayer and scripture study a part of my regular morning routine, then I am able to listen to the voice of the Lord's Spirit in my heart. He shows me what areas need my attention. I read 1 Corinthians 13 this morning. This includes the famous passage of scripture “faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.” I prefer the KJV, which keeps the more original translation “charity” rather than love. Charity is love, after all.

Giving service is not really about a list of tasks you have done. Charity is an attitude of Christlike love. Verse 3 says, “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” We can run ourselves ragged performing acts of service, but it doesn't matter if we don't have charity, or true love, in our hearts as we do them.

The important thing as we decide how much service to give is to keep ourselves in communication with our Heavenly Father. We will feel peace when He is pleased with our efforts. If there is something He would have us to do, His Spirit will whisper it to our hearts. So my first responsibility, no matter how busy I am otherwise, is to pray and study His word enough each day so that I can hear His voice. Doing so will also help me to develop an attitude of charity in all the things I do, and remember that, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not, charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth,” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear

Today I wanted to record the pure joy I felt as a mother watching my daughter overcome a fear of hers and speak into the microphone at church – in front of all those people watching her. The children's presentation was this weekend and my four-year-old had a few short lines to say. It was a blessing that I am a teacher of her age group. Though she is not normally in my class, I was able to be the one helping her at the microphone, whispering her part into her ear.

At the last practice, she was too afraid to do it. So, this past week, I prayed about how to help her overcome this because I knew it would be a real stepping stone for her to become more brave at being in front of crowds. She doesn't like all the eyes to be on her in any situation. So I knew this would be a great opportunity for her to feel brave and feel proud of herself and that she could do things that are a little scary.

As I prayed, the Holy Ghost impressed me that I ought to search for scriptures about fear to share with my daughter. I share a very short verse of scripture with her each day, so I started looking and found the one in D&C 38 which reads, “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.” I talked to her about how if we get ready for something, then we don't have to be scared to do it.

The next day, the Spirit helped me to find another scripture, which reads: “for perfect love casteth out all fear. … I love little children with a perfect love” (Moroni 8:16-17). This was the perfect scripture! I shared it with my daughter and this one seemed to get through as I explained how Jesus loved her with this perfect love and that He would help her to throw away her fear. I added that even if she still felt a little scared, the Lord would help her feel more brave than she felt scared and she could do it anyway. We talked about how proud we would all be if she did it and how she would feel the love of Jesus in her heart helping her. I offered my prayers Sunday morning, reminded her of what the scriptures said, and we were off to church. I don't think I've ever seen her bite her nails as much as she did that morning.

Then she did it! And as she was saying her part, she was turning red in the face and smiling a little and looking back and forth from me to the congregation. When she was done, she looked at me with the happiest eyes I've ever seen and hugged me tight before going back to her seat. She was just shining.

Now you tell me that the Lord does not answer our prayers specifically right now in this day and age. I testify that He does! He lives! And He cares about each on of us so much that He will tell us, through the power of His Holy Spirit and the scriptures, how to live this life with success. He will help us learn how to live with joy and peace as our constant companions. He will answer prayer and help us to know in our minds and hearts how to raise our families.

The thoughts we have during prayer and study of His word are not always our own. They are the whisperings of a divine and loving Father who wants to help His children. He has a “perfect love” for me, for all of us. Because I am assured that He will help me, I can cast out all my fear and worry and live with joy. I can even do things that seem a little scary.

Communication is the Key

We talk about all different kinds of keys in our culture. Keys open doors and opportunities and unlock power or success. We even go so far as to tell our significant other “You have the key to my heart.” Something that has been brought to my attention repeatedly over the years is that communication is the key to life. Perhaps it could even be called the secret of happiness.

Without question, every single time there has been a problem in my marriage, it has been because of a breakdown in communication. The same goes for any friendship problem I've had, as well as most of my challenges with children. Lack of communication is also the source of stagnation in my spiritual life.

The first and best way to find an answer to any problem, is, of course, prayer. What is prayer? Communication with our Father in Heaven. If Satan can distract us from prayer in any way, he will try. I cannot count the number of times I've thought, Okay, time for morning prayer, and then on my way toward the spot where I was going to kneel, I have stopped to return an object to its rightful place, then seen the mountain of laundry waiting to be folded, then felt the pressure of the days activities and time creeping up on me, answered the phone and before I know it, I am in the van driving on my first errand, never having uttered a word of prayer. Needless to say, I pray a lot when I'm driving, with my eyes open of course.

I really believe two of Satan's best tools are distraction and lack of communication. The latter can be brought about in so many ways, including our own pride or feeling of hopelessness. But we need to remember that God is our Father. Do you think He would send us here without setting up a way that we could communicate with him when we need to? He wants us to pray to Him for help! Not just in generalities, but with specifics. If we pray specifically, He will answer us specifically.

And as far as communicating with other people, take courage! People are people and as long as you are being respectful, you can usually find that some misunderstanding has occurred, or that a person has much more depth to them than you previously thought. Communication brings the discovery that most of us do actually have good intentions and are doing the best we can. Most of us aren't trying to hurt anyone else. So, pray for humility and take the time and effort it takes to communicate! It is so worth it. Many times, it is the key that unlocks the door to happiness.

Heart Transplant

Today, I listened to a speaker from the LDS General Conference, held every six months and broadcast on BYUTV. Elder Renlund gave a very insightful analogy that I would like to recount here, because it is so relevant to what I am trying to do with this blog.

He talked about how a heart transplant procedure is done. The human body's reaction to receiving a new organ is to reject it. Medications have to be administered to help the body suppress this reaction and accept the new heart. People have to continue taking this medication daily to prevent problems from occurring. He was surprised at how often he would come across people skipping doses and becoming negligent about their medications.

He related this to the mighty change of heart we experience when we are converted through Jesus Christ. The tendency of the “natural man” is to reject the new, spiritually changed heart. We must actively administer “medications” that will keep our heart from hardening and turning back into stone. These medications are, of course, regular prayer and scripture study, service, worship, and obedience to the commandments, etc. In other words, living what we believe. If we skip doses and become negligent about our prayers and study, we can slip back into old habits and our hearts will not stay as close to Jesus Christ.

Thanks for the great analogy, Elder Renlund! I hope that I am in my small way helping my readers to remember to keep their hearts soft and close to the Savior.

Can't Do It Alone

Today I am once again reminded that I simply cannot do it alone. I am in dire need of my Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ, as well as the Holy Ghost, every single hour of my life. It always amazes me how quickly I can go from feeling peace and gratitude in my heart, and enjoying my blessings to feeling frustrated and irritable or angry, etc. I can go from being Christlike to being the opposite in a matter of hours. And sometimes it can last for days before I humble myself enough to offer an earnest prayer for help. To admit to Heavenly Father that I am not doing something right and I need help to overcome my feelings. Or to plead with him to help me overcome the feelings induced by the unfortunate choices of others around me.

Nothing helps me faster than prayer. This morning, I prayed and felt that I should exercise. So I did, and I put the extra “umph” into it in an effort to release the angry feelings I was having. It really helped! As I physically released that angry energy, I was able to soften my heart and hear the voice of the Holy Ghost. He was reminding me of some specific things I have already learned, but that I have forgotten. Remembering these small details helped me to put into perspective a situation that I was misconstruing. I was able to pray and offer the Lord more sincere repentance after my workout was over. He always knows just what I need! I'm so thankful that he cares enough about my little life in the grand scheme of things to lend me his grace and help me through it.

Self Discovery

There is a preoccupation with self discovery among youth and adults alike in our world. It's like this need that has been programmed into us all to find out “who I am.” I grew up thinking about this and I'm sure several of you did, too. What it took me a long time to understand is that really, finding out who you are is a function of your choices. You are who you choose to be. Your choices govern who you become.

Also, we, as adults or youth, are not one well-defined person who needs to simply be uncovered. We are changing beings who learn from mistakes and improve (hopefully).

Some definitions are great and as we make choices in life, we add to our self-definition. The choice to be chaste, sober, married, etc. Definitions that help us live up to righteous standards are good. Standards and values should be well-defined and followed. But sometimes when we define ourselves, it can actually limit us from growing. We may not say them aloud, but some of us actually define ourselves in negative ways. We are addicts, we can't hear God's answers to prayer, we are too sick to do what we want or need to do.
What is it that makes you feel like you don't know who you are in the first place? Usually, wrong choices do. It's not that you don't know who you are; it's that you are not making all the choices that you know you should be. We don't quite live in complete faith that God will guide our lives one step at a time. If we did, we would feel really good about ourselves.

Sometimes we feel lost because of the challenges that come with circumstance. Several things go wrong at once and we wonder who we are or if we are doing something wrong to deserve this. Perhaps we may wonder if God is punishing us. I am grateful to have an understanding about God that leads me to ask the question, “What is God trying to teach me through this trial?” rather than a “woe is me” attitude, or even a “I don't even know who I am anymore” attitude. If I have consistently tried to make good choices, I have a solid foundation for who I think I am. Of course, the Lord knows better. He knows how I need to grow even if I can't see it. So if a moment comes when I am asking, “Who am I?” because of a trial, I can ask with the understanding that the Lord is only trying to mold me into someone better.

Being an Instrument

Today I sort of reached a point where I was floundering a bit in knowing what the Lord would have me to do. (How appropriate, considering my last two posts). So I prayed more than usual this morning and studied the scriptures more than usual and afterward I was feeling the Spirit again.

Now that my daughter is in preschool for 3 hours every morning, I made a general commitment that I would use most of that time for my writing, meaning my novel. However, this week, I completed an amazing two chapters by Wednesday afternoon. I was feeling so good, but so weird. All of the sudden, I do have more time to write. The writing is flowing along nicely, so I started to feel like I should use my precious alone time to do some other important things. I suddenly have time to look at the other priorities the Lord has given me that I may have neglected, like helping other people, for example.

I felt I should write my testimony in a letter format and give it to a friend. So I did. I also felt I should write another letter to a friend that might help them grow spiritually. So I did. Now I am writing this and I feel really good about what I did with my morning.

I had tons of other things and errands I could have been doing, but I felt out of sync with the Lord's will. It was just a feeling like I was missing something. I realized that all of my writing and creativity can't be constantly poured into only one thing – my novel, that is. I have been given this gift because the Lord wants me to use it as a tool. I do feel He will use my novel as a tool to help others grow spiritually, but that is not all he wants me to do. Writing a novel takes a long time. A very looooong time sometimes. In the meantime, life goes by!

I felt today that the Lord was telling me, just as he led me to start this blog, to use my talent in other ways to bless the lives of people I love. I just have to pay enough attention to the ones I love and pray over them and seek the Lord's will for how he would use me as an instrument in their lives. Nothing feels better than being used as an instrument in the Lord's hands, whether it is through writing a letter, or doing a small or great service. Some people think they can't sacrifice their time to serve others or write tedious letters because then they would not get anything else done that they wanted to and then they would not be happy. On the contrary, when we sacrifice what we thought would bring us happiness to do what the Lord wants us to do instead, then we actually find true joy and contentment. The Lord amazes me with his ways! He is wonderful.

Faith, Pride, and Trials: Part II

Last time I talked about not assuming superiority over the truth. As in, we need to admit the truth to ourselves when things are going wrong instead of pridefully continuing in our feelings of resentment, anger, etc. I referenced James 3:14.

We should not assume superiority over God's will, either. I know people who have acted on the guidance they received in answer to prayer. Then as they continued to do what they were sure was God's will for them, things went in the wrong direction and turned out to be a big challenge. When this happens, people sometimes lose faith in their ability to know what God's will is for them. If whatever happened had been God's will, then it would not have gone awry.

Well, I believe that we cannot presume to know the mind of the Lord as we follow His will. I do know that He will guide and direct us through the power of the Holy Ghost as we humbly seek answers to our prayers. He gives us direction concerning the things we are responsible for (as in ourselves and family, not the President of the United States). If we have faith, we can receive guidance and answers to know what to do in our lives specifically. The Lord knows each of us better than we know ourselves. He knows what lessons we need to learn. He knows what we can and can't handle. We must have faith that He knows what He is doing. He is God.

How could we react differently to challenges like this? When we thought we were doing something right, but it just didn't work out. In the midst of all trials, no matter what happens, we can keep our faith in Jesus Christ. Abraham kept his faith even when he was asked to sacrifice his son! We can keep our faith that the Lord knows what he is doing, even if we don't understand it. I studied the Book of Revelation in depth once and realized, with the help of a religion instructor, that the main message of the entire Revelation to John is that God is in control. He knows what He is doing.

Even when it feels like our lives are out of control, He is watching over us and will guide our steps if we let Him. Just look at what the Lord allowed to happen to Job. But Job never lost faith, even when all he owned and all his children and even his health were taken from him! All at once almost! The Lord never would have allowed it if He had known Job could not handle it. But He did. And Job kept his faith strong. He did not assume superiority over God's judgment in allowing these terrible things to happen to him. And the Lord blessed him beyond what he had before after the trials were over.

Projects we began because we were following God's will may not always go the way we thought they would. But the Lord can use even failed projects to meet other objectives and to bring blessings into people's lives in ways we may not be able to see until after we die. Even in the midst of our trials, we can find peace in moments of quiet prayer and study of His word. We can find peace as we humble ourselves and keep our faith in the Lord and his timing.

Faith, Pride, and Trials: Part I

I was reading in James this week, chapter 3. Verse 14 reads, “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.” The word “glory” has a footnote with the Greek translation, which means, “do not assume superiority over.” So, with that in mind, we could read, “If ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, do not assume superiority over the truth.”

This verse has really helped me to humble myself enough to pray to receive God's help. Who among us does not have some kind of strife in our hearts from time to time? Whether it is anger or depression or just a generally negative attitude. Usually when we are continuing to have these feelings without resolution, it is because we have not admitted the truth to ourselves. Pride plays a major role here as we continue to feel angry at God for something gone wrong or depressed that our lives aren't happier when actually they are pretty blessed.

Pride helps us justify what we are feeling and doing. Resentment and anger feeds itself as we neglect the truth. We presume to know what another person was thinking when he did such and such. We are angry because a child is repeatedly disobedient. But if we examined the situation for truth, we would see that perhaps that person had good intentions after all, or was unaware. We would see that we had been neglecting the child all day in favor of errands and housework and that we are the ones who do not have our priorities in order.

Part of admitting the truth to ourselves is admitting that we need the Lord's help to change our hearts. Sometimes part of the anger we feel is anger at ourselves for not being able to change and do what is right, or feel the right way about something. But the truth we must realize is that we cannot do it all by ourselves. Our relationship with the Savior is vital here. We must remember to pray and study His word, two things that pride keeps us from doing. Prayer and study help us to receive the blessings of His Atoning Sacrifice. He is only waiting for us to ask for His help. When we are humble enough to admit we need it, He pours out blessings upon us. He changes our hearts like no other source can.

I have had this experience many times. Everything seems to be going wrong with my week or day and I am resentful and irritable and depressed and angry. When I finally remember to take a step back and examine what is really going on, I realize that I haven't said my prayers, I haven't studied my scriptures, and I am not feeling the Holy Spirit with me. The problem was me, not my circumstances. I have knelt in prayer at these times and poured my heart out to the Lord. He hears me every time and I count it nothing less than a miracle that when I stand up again, my heart is changed and the bitter feelings have been taken away by the Lord Jesus Christ himself.

The Teenager Attitude

Sometimes I am frustrated with the behavior of preteens and teenagers and I chalk it up to that “teenager attitude” everyone seems to label them as having. Well, I was thinking about that this weekend. I had to handle some bickering and fighting between some children that age and I found myself acting almost as disrespectful as they were!

I was thinking, wow, my true colors really show through when I am under stress. Is this who I really am? Well, no, who I really am depends on all my choices and actions, most of which I hope are pretty good. And yes, I do have room for improvement.

Someone at church today said, though, that we must use righteous judgment as we choose to place ourselves in any situation. We should try our best to avoid situations in which we know we may become tempted to act inappropriately. Hmmm, I thought. Does that mean I should just avoid the situation where I will have to handle arguing teenagers? Maybe. It does tempt me sorely to act in a way that is not Christlike.

So I was thinking about this disrespectful behavior (mine and theirs). Then it occurred to me that there is no such thing as a teenager attitude. It is all one big continuum over a lifetime.
There are simply attitudes and behaviors that we observe as children and adopt as we grow up, whether we realize we are doing so or not. (Mostly not.) We either keep them for a lifetime or work for a lifetime to overcome them.

They manifest differently at different ages. I am now wondering what the strong-willed nature of my four-year-old will turn into later. I hope I can overcome my own disrespectful tendencies enough to live a good example for her to observe and imitate.

What a gift it is to our children if we teach them the basics of respecting others and themselves! Basic manners and kindness such as not interrupting, cleaning up after yourself, saying please and thank you, actually caring about your family members and trying to understand them, and other family habits like sitting down together to eat a meal...these used to be taught in homes and schools but seem to have gotten lost somewhere in our culture over the past several decades.

The scriptures say in James 3 that, “In many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body,” and “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing (of God) and cursing (of man)....these things ought not so to be.”

What a gift that lasts a lifetime if we can teach our children to speak softly and guard their speech carefully. If we can teach them to be calm and have the attitude of a peacemaker. I'm going to have to pray for a lot of help and patience to teach this one. Does anyone else struggle with this?

Parents, Children, and Christlike Love

It is sad to me that so many parent/child relationships end up in shambles when the child reaches adulthood. Pondering this has caused me to wonder whether I am already doing things that are leading my daughter toward the can't-wait-to-get-away-from-my-parents attitude so many teenagers have. Our family is focusing on Respect this month and I have begun to realize just how disrespectfully I speak to my daughter at times.

Too often, we are our own worst selves when in the presence of family members because they are the ones with whom we feel the most comfortable. This is unfortunate because these are the people we should treat with the most respect and the best manners of all.

I've wondered what causes this bitter annoyance or resentment that many people have for their parents. Perhaps one of the causes is the basic nature of the relationship. Other than marriage, it is the most challenging relationship in this life in terms of treating one another in a Christlike manner.

We grow up from infancy with our moms and dads. We observe them in every life situation. We see their reactions, attitudes, hypocrisies and flaws. Other than a spouse, there is no other person about whom we know so much. We know their flaws, mistakes, and sins all too well. Unfortunately, we may not have grown up seeing or hearing any of the regret they felt for their mistakes. I think of the times I mentally scold myself for saying one thing and doing another in front of my daughter. She does not hear my mental scolding; she only hears what I say and sees what I do.

The scriptures say, “Of you it is required to forgive all” and “Judge not lest ye be judged.” These relationships in which so many of a person's flaws are blatantly visible create one of the ultimate tests of our faith in this life.

Will we forgive our parents for the flaws we've seen in them for a lifetime and treat them with kindness? Will we willingly serve them with the same Christlike, respectful attitude with which we serve those who are our neighbors, but perhaps are not as familiar to us?

I hope I can improve and show more respect to all of my family members. I've found that the more communicating and seeking to understand I try to do, the better able I am to treat my family members with Christlike love. Families are part of God's plan for our lives. When we face Him in the end, I feel that the way we have handled our family relationships will be very high on the list of things to be reviewed.

Escape versus Prayer

Today at church, someone spoke about how we are eternal beings and will live forever. But we have one short earthly life to live and learn from. So, we should get serious about learning all we can and becoming more Christlike in this life, which is very short in the eternal scheme of things.

The comment made me think about escape. I have an unfortunate tendency to want to escape from life when it is getting too hard for me to handle. I want to read Harry Potter for hours or just watch a movie, get out of the house, go away for the weekend, send my daughter to Grandma's, etc, etc. I even just want to escape to the brief pleasure that comes from eating a piece of chocolate.

The problem with this is that when I'm back from my escape, my problems are still there. Sometimes they are worse. Those of you who know me are probably wondering what in the world kind of problems I have in my amazingly blessed and seemingly trial-free life. Well, I'm the first one to admit that most of my problems come from my own attitude about things. Anyway, that doesn't matter. We all have problems.

Relaxing in life does, of course, have its place. We all need fun and recreation to renew our energies and help us enjoy life. But I've found that escaping every time I reach the boiling point of frustration or stress is actually hindering my spirituality and closeness to Jesus Christ.

It is taking me so long to learn this lesson, but I am gradually figuring out that it's true. When I am bustling around the house, feeling sorry for myself because of all the work I have to do, or anytime I am feeling depressed for any reason, escape is not a productive solution.

I am finding that whenever I feel like escaping from life, if I kneel down and pray instead, or read the scriptures or a spiritual article, then the Lord changes my heart and helps me to feel better, allowing me to go about my work with a light heart and a positive attitude. He helps me to remember the many blessings I should be feeling grateful for and how many people there are who would give much to be in my situation.

We are here on earth to learn something. The Lord is our teacher. If we spend our whole life escaping from problems, we won't learn anything. We are eternal beings. Whether it is one day soon or after we die, we will have to face the problems we struggle with and will not be able to escape them. Ultimately, real escape is impossible. I would rather face it now and learn something.

It always brings me more happiness to learn from God in prayer and scripture study. Escape only brings temporary relief. I don't want to face my Maker after I die and have him tell me what I should have learned from the experiences I had on the earth. I think a habit of escape is one of Satan's tools to distract us from becoming more like the Savior and to keep us from being happy. The Lord gave us freedom of choice so we could act, not be acted upon. Escape is a reaction to the forces I feel acting upon me. Prayer, however, is an act, a choice I take to help me cope with and learn from those forces. Anyone else have any experiences or thoughts to share? I'd love to see your comments.

Faith

I just got around to watching the movie Bucket List last night. It's a sad but uplifting story about two men who are diagnosed with cancer and given a year to live. While they are on a last chance get-away trip together, they have a conversation about faith and the existence of God. Cole says something like, “You don't claim to know anything I don't know.” Carter replies that he “just has faith.”

As I watched this, I felt sad for the millions of people out there who think that belief is all that faith can be. I am so grateful that I have been taught about how God speaks to us through the power of the Holy Ghost. Those sweet assurances that have come to me during times of prayer enable me to say with no doubt that I know God lives and Jesus Christ is our Savior. I know they are real. I have felt it through the power of the Holy Ghost and there is nothing that would ever cause me to say that I merely believe or have faith that they are real. They have performed miracles and answered prayers in my life.

So if you are one of those people who think faith can never progress into a perfect knowledge until after death, then I have a challenge for you. Pray. Pray simply for your Heavenly Father to manifest to you the truthfulness of the scriptures, or of the existence of Him and His Son. The Lord has promised that if you pray in faith, believing that you will receive an answer to your prayer, you will receive.

I do not wish to belittle the faith of others. Faith is how it all begins! Faith is absolutely necessary! But be assured that in a conversation like Carter's, it is possible to reply with a sure knowledge that God is real because of the witness felt in the heart.

Time Marches On

I recently attended church in a place I have not been for about seven years. Two years before I left there, I taught a sweet little six-year-old girl who knew all the answers to gospel questions and was amazingly sensitive to spiritual things. As I sat in the congregation, I realized that the beautiful young woman conducting the music was this little girl from my class! I was overwhelmed with joy and love for her and so proud to see her up front, conducting herself so reverently. I smiled brightly at her and she smiled back. After the meeting, I wanted to give her a big, heartfelt hug – I was nearly crying! I asked her if she remembered me.

She said, “No, I’m sorry,” with a polite but blank look on her face.

Something changes in the way you see yourself and the passage of time when things like that happen. Sigh. I’ll be turning thirty this year.

I recently came back into contact with some good friends who have a large family and found myself wondering how well the children would remember me.

It brought into focus a new aspect of adult and childhood for me. Many of you, I’m sure, have already figured this out. (I’m a little slow sometimes.) We grow into adults who have many experiences knowing, loving, teaching, and raising beautiful children. We have memory after memory stored up of these small people. But when they are all grown up, they only remember a very small portion of who you were to them as a child. Hmmm, who is really teaching who, here?

Hopefully the parent-child bond is strong enough to create many positive experiences after a child begins retaining more of their memory. Unfortunately, too many teenagers and parents go their separate ways. Relationships seldom stretch into adulthood so that the man who was once a child can get to know his parents on an adult level.

It all brings to mind the Lord’s promise in the book of Malachi. He said that in the last days, the Elijah would come and turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers (Mal. 4:6). Many people take this to mean that people will take a vested interest in their family history and the many generations that went before them and their stories. But what about just within our immediate family? Sure, we are supposed to leave our parents and cleave unto our spouse when we get married, but that doesn’t have to mean that we stop learning from our parents.

I don’t think I’ve fully allowed myself to consider the day when my daughter leaves home and I no longer have her close by. When I do, I think it will break my heart. Did it break my mom’s heart when I left home? Obviously, life goes on for empty-nesters. Marriage, the most important relationship in life, goes on. Grand-parenting begins and more joy comes as we find ourselves interacting with small people again.

Even though it might break my heart to let her go one day, I hope I will be proud of who she has become. Because even though she might not know everything about me, who I am will be reflected in her – every day – for the rest of her life, whether she remembers it or not. And a little bit of who I am will even be reflected in that little six-year-old, too. If seeing her as a righteous young woman of about fourteen brought me that much joy, then how much more will I be consumed by joy when it is my daughter, all grown up with a testimony of Jesus Christ in her heart? Why are we here, teaching and learning from all these children in our lives? Oh yeah, so we can have joy. And, so we can learn some of the most important lessons God has for us to learn.

Patting Yourself on the Back

Last time, I asked how many people you know who pat themselves on the back at the end of the day. Today, I want to point out that if you do know any people like that, you should emulate them.

It goes back to fault-finding. Those of us who are so good at finding faults in others are also experts at finding faults within ourselves. Whether or not we are willing to openly admit to their existence, faults can cause us guilt and pain and self-hatred.

We cannot overcome our faults, however, without knowing what they are. So it is not a bad thing for me to realize it when I’ve made a mistake, especially when I’ve made one repeatedly and thought that it was a justified action. (What? You mean all that resenting didn’t actually give my husband any clues about how to treat me? You mean it’s not okay to drop subtle hints about how a person should be doing things my way (which is, of course, the right way)? Oh, so I really am supposed to pray every single day…)

The crucial point is what happens after we’ve realized a fault within ourselves. Naturally, we feel guilty, perhaps disappointed. We are frustrated or angry with ourselves. What is wrong with me?

Well, what is wrong with us is that we are human. That is not an excuse for behavior, but a realization that as children of God, we humans possess the God-given ability to progress, to overcome, to learn from mistakes, to repent, to commune with our Savior and be changed. In fact, that is one of the reasons we are here: to experience weakness so that we can have it turned into strength.

After we have truly come unto the Savior, there is another step that we frequently do not complete. We must forgive ourselves. We must show ourselves the unconditional love that the Savior shows to us. We must choose to feel happy with ourselves now instead of continuing to feel the guilt we felt when we first realized our mistake. We deserve to be happy. In case you didn’t know, another reason we are actually are here on earth so that we may have joy. (See my second post).

So instead of fault-finding, I’m going to work on joy-finding. There’s an ironic thing about loving yourself and being happy. It increases your ability to love others and help them feel happy, too. And it helps us all to do better today rather than worrying over what we should have done yesterday.

Unconditional Love

In my life, I’ve had the experience of watching other people (and myself) make choices and express attitudes that are detrimental to themselves and others. I’ve seen them hurt others, whether knowingly or not. I’ve seen them justify and rationalize their own actions and attitudes as they’ve passed judgment on others.

One time, I was so frustrated with someone that I was on the brink of telling them (in the most polite way possible, of course), that they were hurting others and themselves and why couldn’t they just show some unconditional love, for heaven’s sake!

Then someone told me that solutions like that aren’t really solutions; they usually make things worse. So I restrained myself.

We humans are just too good at fault-finding sometimes. Fault-finding is kind of an interesting term. It all depends on your basic attitude toward people whether their faults are like neon stickers popping out all over their forehead until you can’t see their face anymore or whether we actually have to look with a magnifying glass to find a person’s faults. And if we would need to look closer, do we take the precious time from our lives to actually do the looking?

Even if we do notice a fault or two or two hundred in someone else, do we actually point it out to them? Do we do it indirectly, with even the subtlest of hints because we just cannot restrain ourselves from fixing their faults? Or do we just waste precious time worrying over them?

The likelihood is that those with whom you would find fault have already found plenty of faults in themselves. How many people do you know who pat themselves on the back at the end of the day?

How many do you know who weep with guilt over the things they wish they could have done differently? Who smile at you when you see them, but on the inside they are decaying with self-loathing.

You might say, but the Savior pointed out when people had wrong thoughts or feelings, or were disobeying God’s law. He told people their faults. Why can’t I? I’m a follower of Christ, I want others to be more Christ like, wouldn’t I just be helping them by gently telling them what they could do better?

Well, there are just a few small differences between us and the Savior.
1) He’s perfect. We’re not.
2) He fully forgives those who repent. We don’t even have the power to always know when a person is penitent about their sins. And whether they are or not, we’re expected to forgive them anyway.
3) He unconditionally loves everyone. We – well – we can (and should) try.

I was weeding the garden when it hit me. I was so angry with someone for being judgmental and hurtful and I was about to go judge and hurt them.

If we really want to help someone do better, shouldn’t we just love them unconditionally? (It’s all I wanted this person to do.) Then if the Lord truly prompts us to “reprove” someone, it will be in the context of love and could actually have the potential to inspire change. We can also pray for them and have faith that the Lord knows how to teach them better than we do.

How do you like it when someone gently tells you what you could do better? Yeah, remember the last time that happened? Occasionally this can be well received in a deeply loving relationship, but usually it only hurts.

Now, do you remember the last time God gently told you what you could do better? How did you respond to that? Isn’t it much easier to accept correction from someone who unconditionally loves you?

Just for the Joy

I recently attended a horse show that people had come from all over the country to participate in. I watched as a few of the English Riders each took their turn on the course. I love to watch horseback riding and always wish that I could do that. I see what great pleasure the riders get out of what they are doing.

I also recently watched a movie about one man’s journey into NFL football.

Then my husband gave me a compliment on how well I can impersonate cartoon voices and the voices of other people. (Don’t ask me to do it for you; I can only do it for him and my daughter).

I know you are wondering what in the world all these things could have in common.

Sometimes I wonder why these certain things exist, not in an insulting sort of way, just in a curious-about-their-eternal-purpose sort of way. Football, horseback riding, the strange talent of impersonation. Competition, physical achievement, humor.

I spend a great deal of time in life making sure that I’m not doing anything that’s unnecessary. I don’t want to waste time on things that will have no benefit to my progress and learning or to the blessing of other people’s lives.

It has dawned on me in recent years that relaxing, having fun, and being funny are not actually a waste of time. Laughing brings great renewal and healing. It’s amazing. It can even bond people together. Impersonating cartoons makes my whole family smile and laugh. For the same reason, I stayed in the rain with them and set my own personal hula-hoop record, laughing hysterically the whole time.

As for football and horseback riding, doing something for the pure joy that it brings us is actually pleasing to our Father in heaven. Pilots love to fly. Writers love to write. Competitions in which the underdog succeeds can inspire thousands of people with hope.

Why did God make children with an inherent desire for an adult to play with them as often as possible? One reason is because it brings us great joy when we do it. Sometimes it is the only thing in the day that helps us remember we are supposed to be feeling happy. Why does He give some people the drive to compete? The desire to ride horses? The inclination to teach?

One of the deepest truths of which I can testify is that the Lord wants us to be happy. When we do what we feel inspired to do, whether over a lifetime or in one spontaneous moment of humor, we experience one of the purposes for which we came to earth: Joy.

Believe in the Ripples

Some time ago, I was sitting by a lake in the early morning. A man was pouring buckets of water out of his canoe nearby. As I looked out over the lake, there were tiny waves all over it, ripples extending clear to the opposite shore, all from this one man’s very small bucket of water. I followed the ripples closely – surely the ones in the pattern of the water so far away could not be from this one man. But then he stopped. The water grew still again and I saw clearly that his small splash was indeed making ripples so far away that I was sure he was entirely unaware of them. He had his head down, looking at the boat the whole time.

‘Just keep on writing,’ said the voice of the Spirit to my heart. One day, I will finally pour the last bucket of water into these novels and I will look up and be astonished at the lake full of waves I have created, touching people’s lives, I hope.

Sometimes I feel guilty about not committing more time to writing since I have felt very much led by the Lord to do it. Occasionally, He has to remind me that taking care of myself and my family and teaching my daughter come first. I think the Lord leads many of us to do certain things that will have ripple effects we may never understand. It may not be writing for you. It may not even be the same thing every day.

Others are at times astounded that I have stuck with my writing for so long without even submitting for publishing yet or moving on to something else or just giving up. I’m not sure if “stuck with” is the right phrasing. I just keep coming back to my writing every time I’ve abandoned it to work on other pursuits – service in extended family or for other church members, family history endeavors, cleaning up my house, or painting it, having babies. When I can, I pour another bucket, no matter how small the splash may be. (One day this week I worked for three hours and ended up with one page of new text).

But part of why I’ve been able to do this is that I believe in the ripples. My goal is not singularly to ripple through the publishing world or make money. Of course, one of my goals is to get it right and to have it be the best it can be. (Yes, I hear all you writers out there saying that you have to know when to stop editing, and I hear you, but that’s not what this is – I’m really just not finished creating.)

I believe in other ripples, some as simple as having my friends and family read it for me before I submit for publishing and have it impact their lives in whatever way the Lord intends. Another ripple is the eternal perspective it helps me to keep on life, because of the nature of what I’m writing. It’s also prompted me to study the gospel more deeply than ever before. And it has brought me into relationships with people whom I never would have met had I not decided to become a writer. Ripples have even come from the things I’ve done while the writing was on pause. I’m okay with that.

So I will keep trying to live my life – Keeping Christ at the center as much as I can, remembering my family and my own spirituality and teaching my children first – and pouring bucket after bucket into my writing, no matter how small each splash may be, having faith that the Lord will take the ripples as far as He needs them to go.